Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I got a message today! I got an A for my FYP! This is so awesome. Thank you God!! Thank You so so much!

Okay...so today i revealed the script. Argh. The look on their faces when they realised they got small roles. I didnt know what to do. I feel so horrible. I wouldnt put a yr 1 in if i felt you did a better job. And as for the girl....you were awesome during audition. All the yr 3s voted for you. But...argh....we thought about it...and then we didnt think it was going to work....argh! I Feel so angry with myself. Im going to write more lines for you. ....I will rectify it. We didnt forget you...We really didnt!!! ARGH!!

At least i got counselling from the person i was trying to help....I really needed help.
Thank You so much Vicky. Your blog reminds me so much of how i felt last time. I hope my experience with what i felt with all the things you are going through, and thing you will go through helps you to realise that its normal.
To feel the shot of pain in your heart when the person comes online and when you see a facebook post or just anything the person does. Or when you just suddenly remember old memories and start crying. Its normal. Vicky thanks for everything you told me. It helped me so much. I may have sounded selfish but i really am not. I just kept thinking stuff...now i dont have too. It really helped me. It may not seem to change anything. To me it does change a lot of things. I cant believe it.....ive been so blind.

Anyways enough...we love you. You can do this. He is not worth it. Date chinese guys! rmb our promise haha!

Talk about Exes....I had to read through my chat logs recently...i read some not everything...i tried to avoid it...but i still read some stuff. It was still really painful but at the same time really entertaining. It was so funny! The shit we talked about. Haha! I miss that person i was...even though i sounded so stalkerish in the convos haha!
One day im going to look through those chat logs again and laugh my head off. One day.

Alrites...I didnt have enough sleep last night so im going to try to get some now...hopefully im well rested tomorrow for my first production rehearsal. Pls God help me.

Also. God please help my parents. As much as i hate my father now....He is my father....They havent spoken to each other for over a month. Everytime they start "talking" it comes out as an argument. I hate what i have to go through. Cant you just stop doing this dad?!

You go through a simple Cicle! Cold War - Small Talk - Arguement - Cold War.
I go through: Your Mom - Im not talking about this - Its not my fault - Dont worry about your mom and me. And then mom will come to me: Your Father - I feel like i have no one to talk too - He thinks he is always right - Im so sick of him.

Today you drove the car away and left the both of us stranded in the carpark looking for you! And when mummy called you, you said you went to the other carpark to wait for us! You didnt even call! You made us look for you.We thought we got the wrong carpark. Then we figured you left without us. All this just because i told you to stop insulting your wife and her mother and her brother?
You called my grandmother shameless and desperate. How you think mummy feels? I just want all of this to end! Please.

I Confess I Messed Up
11:51 PM

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Was online the whole night talking to keith and wan lol. Wan was so hilarious! Its so cute how much he loves azizi. Honestly its incredible haha! Whenever azizi sleeps beside him, wan would allows take the opportunity to rub azizi's back lol....its so cute....like patting him to sleep lol.

Wan is going to get the Iphone 4g! Ah!! lol.! I told him im gonna get mine christmas time...hopefully i dont spend what ive saved already haha! Cant wait!!! :) :)!!!

Bad news! Boohoo!! So Miss Tan gave me ten tickets to the SCL anniversary dinner. I can invite whoever i want!! Honestly it might not sound tt awesome...i mean who wants to go to a boring dinner...I know i dint want to at first...BUT this was actually something Helen talked about a few months ago! And she really wanted to go! So we kinda planned everything! Who we wanted to go with and after party...Lol...okay that part i didnt discuss with her...She would have freaked. But anyhow. Helen cant make it! And i dont feel like going anymore. Sucks bad! But i still have to go!

Helen you owe me one! Korea Sparkling better be awesome okay! And you owe me soju!

Im done with dexter! Well not quite but close to done! last 15 mins of season 4! Its all on pause now cuz im not quite sure if i wanna end it. 12 eps....all over if i continue...T_T

Lol...okok my dramamama aside! True Blood is so awesome!! I cant stop watching it either! Im so glad my godparents introduced me to it! lol!

alright so ive been wasting way too much time! i have to finish the script and proposal :(

Have you ever seen your ex crush or ex after a long time and wonder why in the world did you ever like them in the first place? You think and you laugh to yourself how things happen and you have no control over it. And then you tell yourself, thank goodness you got over that person or broke up with that person or that person broke up with you? Or you would have never woken up from that sweet dream and made you realise how stupid you were? lol. funny shit.

I Confess I Messed Up
2:59 PM

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Step up 3 was so so awesome! It was the coolest movie ever! better than Youve got served! and the shoes! OMG almost fainted in the theater! Lav jo and i were probably the only ones screaming so much haha! and ADAM SEVANI is so HOT! HEHEHE! I LOVE THE MOVIE SO MUCH!

So last night i had this weird dream. I dreamt that you were in a dress...i know right? dress? and you grabbed my hand and i looked at your face and you looked so innocent, i knew i had to pull away so i did...slowly your fingers parted from mine...and i looked at you as i walked away. You never turned back. You just kept staring at me like you didnt want me to leave. I turned around and continued to walk. Well by then i woke up.

I didnt want to tell anyone about this because it was the stupidest dream i have ever had. I havent thought of you for so long. But today something happened....is it a coincidence? I REALLY DUNNO!

I know that she likes me. She cant make it anymore obvious. She practically said she liked me 6 times in all of today. But its not the confession that scares me. Its the things that she says.

She said things i used to say to you. We smsed about the same things i used to text you about. She has siblings like you do. And she talked about them too. She does things i used to do when i was with you. Like sms in the theater and she tells me that im funny and cute. Confess that i make her smile to herself. I told her that i will get annoying after a while. I told her that one day ill be a disturbance. That was what you say to me.
She tells me that im different, that i dont annoy her at all and she likes me texting her. Its not a disturbance. I used to say that to you.
Her uncle passed away. I consoled her, just like how you did when my great granny passed away.
She told me that she was afraid that if she texted too much my bills will sky rocket. And i said the same thing to you. And i replied the same way you did. I told her that its okay.

I didnt realise all this until she told me her uncle passed away...then everything just came back. All the memories. I was so stupid.

What if i fall for her because i felt i had to, since she liked me. Like you did with me? What if i cant differentiate sympathy from like. And i think i like her? What if i use her as a replacement like you did?

All this coincidence is killing me. Its like everything is coming back. Or is it that i know im falling for her....and im making excuses to not? Mistakes were made so we can learn from them.

So do i tell her that i can never be with her to prevent what happened with us? Prevent me from breaking her heart. Or do i give her a chance? Maybe it might be a good decision? I feel so stupid.

Lav says that i should date her already. Forget about the whole junior senior thing. But she says if i know im going to hurt her then i really shoudnt. I need to make up my mind.
Wan says i sound like david. Hahaha! He asked if i liked her back. That these are mistakes that i need to learn from. Wan says that its normal that memories come back. It happens to him too. That if i really dont like her than i should tell her.
Helen says that i should just chill. and that the coincidence of the scary text msg which got mysteriously deleted which my aunt claims was sent by my mom. Is not a coincidence with all that has happened today. There is no paranormal things happening.

And my mom brought home a bouquet she caught from the bride. Maybe she is getting married to someone new? Hopefully someone who doesnt make her massage his feet every day.

Cant wait to watch Going the Distance!

I Confess I Messed Up
10:17 PM

Monday, August 30, 2010

Okay! So! Here is what happened. (sounds like the starting of glee haha!)

Andrea's Bf came down for a week! Lol....He is hilarious! We had dinner at this seafood place at sembawang. Named Blue haven lol. Anyways food is good there haha! Although it sounds super weird haha!! okok back to Murray

His name is Randy Murray! They call him Murray! He lives on the hills of Perth, about 25 kilometers from town. His garden has watermelons and lots of fruits growing. It takes 3 days for a watermelon to grow. Kangaroos like to steal fruits from his backyard garden! LOL How super cute is that! KANGAROOS!! And according to Gill, when he is drunk he actually creates proper sentences haha!
The dude mumbles so so much! You can barely make out what he is saying. lol. Australians!

Oh and hahaha! We brought him to Woodlands Waterfront! Which is an awesome place to go and makeout btw. Haha! Okay not just to makeout...but its a real lovely place to hangout!
Well being the tourist ... Murray got really lucky. He was posing for pictures and leaned on bird shit! huge greenish spot in his arm haha! Perfect Singapore experience!
They both look so cute together and so compatible! Andrea would be nagging about how he cant make decisions and she has to make them all for him. And he complains about how she has no patience!!! HAHA!
Im really happy for them. They are like the most adorable couple ever. And he keeps calling her sweety. LOL. Hopefully this long distance thing works out. Open relationships always suck bad :( But they are mature enough anyways :) SO COOL!

FYP presentation went really great! In fact they want us to continue my project for our entrepreneurship :( and try to get a scholarship! Its cool lah....but the work we have to do...and i seriously doubt we can get the spring scholarship...I guess i just have to wait for what Mr Tan says.

Production auditions were awesome too! It was seriously shocking to see how much the yr2s have grown! They are acting much better than before! Must be the lecture david and i gave them! Hopefully they continue improving! I really hope I and Wan can train them!

Nadeen apologised to me...weird to actually hear an apology from him....he doesnt usually apologise...
Anyways i never really thought about how i would feel if he apologised...I kinda just told myself that it was my fault...but im actually really glad he finally understands what is going on. Its just so clear what is going on i guess.

sigh...I need to set someone up immediately by the way....

Both my grannies...arent doing well health wise...attitude too...my moms super stressed...hopefully everythings gonna be fine....

Life goes on! So! Met my younger cuz and she told me about this song! Im loving it!!! HAHAHA!

I Confess I Messed Up
4:44 PM

Sunday, August 15, 2010

It was so great to have people to talk to...about serious stuff. Not fluffy happy stuff in the words of Erica. Serious stuff we fail to talk about in useless conversations. Not just things about school and friends but about relationships, love, family, money, future also. I am glad we talked about LIFE.

I wished i could have stayed longer with them so badly...i have so much to tell them...but argh. When i received that call and her shaky voice on the phone... I hate this. Im not used to it at all. I dont know how to handle it.

I just wish everything could just stop. Why are things this way. Too much pain, too much tears. I just wish the world could just stop.

I hate how the world is so sick. I miss being real. But sometimes you just got to pretend in order to survive.

I dont think im ready though.

I Confess I Messed Up
2:13 AM

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I would rather be alone than pretend to be alright.

I Confess I Messed Up
1:09 AM

Monday, August 09, 2010

Its report time!! but at least i can finally stay up late doing nothing but wasting time!! :) havent been on the computer for a week i think...so wheee...feels great to touch my laptop after being away from it for so long!

Hmmm....updates. Hahaha! Im just happy. Really happy. Happy that YOG stress is over, happy that i got to host the event even though i was bad. Happy that i got to host with Ling! Who is like so so awesome btw! Its so great to emcee and learn so much from her! Happy that i lost weight. Happy that im getting better. Although my throat still feels like shit. Happy that hahaha my love life is getting more and more interesting hmmmm. Maybe its my new specs hahaha! Which i love btw. I love the brown colour...it looks exactly like my old ones hahaha but its a different colour! lol

But yeah funny though how things go the way you want it to go. Its funnier when you knew these things would happen ultimately to *cough* certain people....and they actually do hahaha! It feels good...like you have super powers hahaha! :) You just wanna tell those people... "i told you it will happen"! Haha! Glad they are finally dating...finally! Hehehe happy.

For now, things that have to get done. Script. Report. Poster. AES. Then FYP is over! and its back to school and exam stress and production :(

Cant wait to have an awesome time at St Johns Island later! Hopefully i can wake up!! Im so not staying there past dusk....so freaky man! Family time wheeee :)Oh and maybe fireworks hehehe?? Hopefully!!! Wheeee :) happy birthday sg. Lol...like daniel said. lucky there is national day or no one would ever rmb when sg got its independence. Hahaha!

I Confess I Messed Up
2:17 AM