I love talking to Nat i love her so much but i hate when she tells me her story.
She emailed angeline asking her why? and angeline replied about how they were worlds apart that nat did make her smile did make her happy did make her cry. but she just realised tt after everything they have nothing in common. and the reason why she got involved with nat was because she wanted the attention of a relationship she wanted someone to treat her good and love her and do sweet stuff for her which was what nat did for her wholeheartedly. Then when angeline realised that that was it. She found nat annoying and that things were different everything was wrong and she felt so guilty. She didnt want to continue anything with nat because she just didnt love nat anymore.
=.= ARGH! WTH. And nat replied to her saying thank you and she still misses her...OMG. Nat talked to me about why first relationships hurt. Because of the physical contact. Because of the first kiss, the first long hug, the first i love you. The first person who you loved and actually even for just that bit did love you back. She loved angeline more than her friends.
ARGH.Nat! You keep telling me you are over her!You keep saying that there is someone else out there for you! BUT you are not! Its 4.30! Spain has won! and yet you are still talking to me! ABOUT HER.
STOP MAKING ME CRY. Stop reminding me about disappointments and expectations.
sigh. I love you so much nat...you will find someone good for you someone who will appreciate your weirdness and awkwardness and stupidness and bullshit and flaws. I know it. Angeline was not the one. There will be someone who can love you despite whatever. You can be with someone you can proudly be with and boast that she is your girlfriend, you wished angeline was the one. You love seeing her happy. You hate seeing her sad. You still wish that she knew how fucking proud you were/are of her. You want to tell her that you still care but then you cant be there for her anymore. You are going to keep praying for her. Her hugs felt like home to you. When you see her, the outside world just falls into pieces. All you do is look into her eyes. All you feel is like telling her that you love her and you dont want to let her go. That it is so hard, that you cant. Angeline will always be your sunshine.
Yes when you are gone i will tell her how freaking important she was in your life. Stop crying about it please...she is an idiot not to know how much you put her first in your life! You cant tell her now but im sure she will find out hopefully not too late.
For now nat...its 5 am but I will stay on the line with you and listen to you till whenever you wanna stop talking which is not soon...but i dont care :)
I Confess I Messed Up 3:47 AM
Up and Down.
If i ever had to look back on today it will bring up a love hate feeling.
Im glad today happened though...besides all the shit that happened. Japan tried their hardest. My dad actually entered ION for once, ignoring all his stupid comments and "the photo" is up HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Also hahaha my dad was hilarious irritating but hilarious. There was this lesbian couple at the kuey chap store and woah the couple ate like three times we ate! CRAZY! Anyways my dad just had to ask pfft."who uses the rubber dick" then my mom and i gave him the eye roll and answered him "they use fingers".
Alrights got to go find out serving sizes of cheese and milk now...pfft.
Should i love someone from a far, no emotional baggage but all the benefits...? Hell yeah! :) hehe.
I Confess I Messed Up 12:31 AM
Monday, June 28, 2010
I feel like having a big mac....
Put on my blue suede shoes And I boarded the plane Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues In the middle of the pouring rain
I Confess I Messed Up 11:16 PM
I dont want to get a call saying sarah come home i need to vent, im feeling horrible and depressed i need someone to talk to.
Why cant i have a sibling who can just listen to her and maybe we can take turns or something....
but i dont. And im the only daughter. And i love my mom to the max.
Which brings me to my next issue. Why cant everyone else leave her freaking alone!! Pfft. My mom is one person she is not a superwoman. Get it in your thick skull that she is not there for you to put down or to make use off or to vent your own mood on!
Stupid people in this world! Argh!
I Confess I Messed Up 6:03 PM
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Brought Aunty Anne for her birthday dinner today. We only had foodcourt food and gave her a magnum, brought her to the coffee shop for a drink and then asked her if her sisters wished her yet.
She told us that none of her sisters wished her. In fact they never wish her, ever. All 6 of them :(. It just makes me wonder how can all 6 sisters be so close and leave 1 out. So terribly mean!
Aunty Anne got so depressed after that she didnt say anything. She left saying that she was going to dedicate a song to herself. =.="
I hope we gave her a good birthday :) Im glad she choose us to spend her birthday with her :)
Happy Birthday Aunty Anne! Thanks for always coming to our house to steal our food hehe. :)
I Confess I Messed Up 9:28 PM
Mid life crisis makes my dad look pathetic but super cute but pathetic. Its like he pmses everyday. haha! He threatened not to eat dinner today lol! Cute right?!
I really hope my dad gets over this mid life crisis soon or i will seriously get super fat since im eating choc, cookies, popcorn and lots and lots of leftovers with my mom everynight. Eating because you feel depressed just makes you more depressed LOL.
Hmmmm....maybe i can slip hormone pills into my dads morning coffee? LOL! Must tell my mom my plan! She will love it haha!
I love my moms eye roll. Hahaha! MEN MEN MEN....ai yoh...complex creatures.
Oh! and South Korea! :( Heechul and Ryeowook and Donghae were so excited for them :( hehehe....twitter allows me to stalk them so easily hehe.
I Confess I Messed Up 12:52 AM
Friday, June 25, 2010
I knew it....blog you can say it. I told you so!
I just blogged about this.
I knew it was coming i knew things were gonna be this way.
How can i save myself when everyone has an impression of me they cant shake off.
I made mistakes, hopefully i can save myself.
My mouth is stupid, so am i.
I can do this. I can write the most incredible script to prove my worth and existence in this club. I and Wan will do this together!
I have been an asshole. Will try to stop being one. Give me another chance. Forget the past.
I Confess I Messed Up 12:30 AM
Thursday, June 24, 2010
i really shouldnt be blogging at a time like this! I need to rush to school! but heck it since i didnt get to post my awesome day!
Wheee! SO SO happy! STILL! I got to go see beast! and touch them! and smile at them and omg! just watch them dance live! they all looked so so good even though im not their biggest fan and i dont even know each of their names i dont even know ONE of their names but wth who cares i got to go see them and watch their autographed shirt and poster get auctioned for 390 dollars! siao!
I met a bunch of awesome girls! Super duper awesome! They were all so so nice! They tot Hazel and I were both 16 LOL! some tot we were 13 haha! It was like we were family because we had something major in common we all loved beast! Their songs are so so awesome the lyrics are so nice! Their songs actually make sense! haha!
I also met a butch who looked totally like Ari from the side! Hazel was trying to get a pic of her lol...but failed terribly! Hahaha! but Daphne took a photo of her and me so hopefully when she uploads it so Ari can see her look alike lol! Except her look a like looks like a 18 yr old but is 21!
Oh and i saw a she male! LOL it was definitely a girl! but poor her she had a face of a...oh wells :) She had a nice voice :)
Hazel is probably gonna skip school again to watch their showcase haha! lucky her finally got her tickets! So happy for her she was Fing Excited yesterday! she grabbed her biased till he said OUCH lol! crazy woman! She tot she might not be able to get tickets! :( But she is getting them! So woots :)
I met two big suju fans! haha! YAY! and one of them went to their showcase on June 6th! YAY!!! 6th!!! I love the 6th! Going to dream good dreams on all of the 6th! haha! fan girl much?
Yay! I miss them friends already...see you all soon!
And yes Helen, who talked to me for 30 mins on the train! lol...They were super gorgeous in real life! Next year 5 languages will be printed on the train! HAHA!
Oh and I had mos burger! after hmmm....my last time was like march! Paramore day! haha! Mos is so so yummy! :)
I Confess I Messed Up 12:34 PM
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
....kept telling myself to breathe in and out but it didnt work...my face still looked so f*cked up. I really didnt want to come across as angry...I just couldnt smile or have any other look than tired and pissed. They probably think im being soooo insensitive...
I could feel my whole face burning. Everytime i tried to act normal and smile it was so difficult.
I saw my mom and just broke down because i felt like shit. Every single emotion blown up. I just felt so depressed all of a sudden. So pissed that i couldnt control my stupid hormones. It just suddenly came like that at the worst timings! ALWAYS! SO ARGH!
She pulled me aside because she was embarrassed....then she started lecturing me...i dont care im just glad my mom was there. I felt so much better with her just being there. BUT
My mom...she had so much to complain to me about and all i wanted to say to her was shut up, shut up, i dont want to hear your problems i just need silence. She spoke things i would have usually laughed about and consoled her on but i couldnt even change my facial expression i just stared at her, stoned and wanting her to shut up.
My dad helped me with my emailling...and all i did was scream at him.
Now that i have cooled off....Stupid Me.
I Confess I Messed Up 12:08 AM
Monday, June 21, 2010
Hmmmm...my com was on screensaver and so i reached out for a random letter without even looking and typed "k" Hmmm....
SO scary i was just telling God to punish some people for hurting me...cuz its just not fair....and i typed k...is God agreeing with me? freaky...i take back everything! i just want to get rid of these stupid emotions and be a stone hearted bitch. Maybe i will be liked more that way?
lol from blind leading the blind.... the reason it’s ‘i COULDN’T care less’, is because you care soooo little- you couldn’t possibly care any less than you already do! that’s how LITTLE you care!
I Confess I Messed Up 2:01 AM
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Congrats kelvin and eswari!! omg kelvin is married! like finally lol! I can't believe you never told her I love you till your wedding! lol...so romantic! okok!!! *wipes tears* my night was full of dancing to immortal old tunes! listening to kelvin rock out on stage with sweet child of mine! and just fun and drama! haha! but WOAH! I swear my family is scary...im so glad no one came to my table to beat us up! *phew* everyone knew who we were by the end of the night! the ever famous table 16!! bleh...so embarrassing... I talked to the cute photographer!!! *faints* he told me he has a tattoo on his arm...hmmmm....sexy much? lol...okok enough about cute chinese boys...although there were many...and...haha! Hmmm...sometimes I wonder how we managed to finish all tt beer though! sorry kelvin you should know tt we are indians :) lol... went to USS after! Big Easy was pretty! a whole Hershey land!! come on! just got home! feet is killing the nightlights out of me! I have never felt so good to be on my bed! Better than how I felt after the sleep inducing match last night! :) LOL england seriously...speechless oh wells they helped me sleep :) nights bloggie.
I Confess I Messed Up 1:29 AM
Saturday, June 19, 2010
So this mother has been having an affair for a while now and have not yet been caught but this time her husband suspected something was going on so he decided to come home early.
She quickly rushed her lover into the closet, naked and scared, he realised that he wasnt alone in the closet. Her young son was also there hiding in the dark.
The boy turns to the lover and threatens him "If you do not buy my football for 250 dollars I will tell my dad about you". At first the lover refused but realised he had no other choice and so the lover gave the boy 250 dollars.
The next time the lover was thrown in the closet, the kid made him pay 750 dollars for his old pair of football boots.
Feeling angry and used, the lover left the house the second time hoping to never meet that mini extortionist again.
One sunday morning the boys father tells him to get his football gear ready, his boots and the football, that they were gonna play football. The boy later informs the father that he has sold his gear to a friend and gained 1000 dollars from the sale. His father was shocked by this and told his son that it was wrong to extort money esp for used items! His father then brought the boy to church to make a confession.
The boy innocently walks into the confessional box. As he sat down the priest spoke to him "There is no way you are taking any money from me today! You are in my closet now boy"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOL i tot it was funny as hell. Had to share it! I love all these jokes about priests or nuns or monks and what not!...always super funny!
I Confess I Messed Up 12:46 AM
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thank you... you made my mind up for me When you started to ignore me Do you see a single tear It isn't gonna happen here
OMG B2ST is on the 23th! WEDNESDAY! 7pm!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I FEEL SO STUPID! How can i miss that part! i tot i saw saturday!!!!!!
So anyways wedding tomorrow woots....dad is complaining that i love my lappy more than him because i dont eat bak kwa with him. Ex drama head wants to talk to me and wan...awesome. and my teacher says that we cant get A for FYP. FML.
On the brightside! I watched UP!!! YAYAYAYAYAY! FINALLY! Its been striked off the I NEED TO WATCH list! YAY! Cried my eyes out and puked out all my dinner...but then again thats just me! hehe. Next is.... :)
I Confess I Messed Up 9:47 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I found her diary underneath a tree. and started reading about me. The words began stick and tears to flow. Her meaning now was clear to see. The love she'd waited for was someone else not me Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
and as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife all the sweet things that she can find all the sweet things they can find
Sad songs day! plus a whole plate of strawberries BIG BIG LOVELY PLATE!!!!! And 6-30 to 9 with drama-mama's hahaha our lives are seriously all so drama man! STUPID MEN!Flying fries! oh and "Can i have a GLBT sandwhich pls? parmesan bread thank you!" hahahaha! Cant wait for tomorrow night :)
AND ARGH!!!! B2ST!!! Am i being stupid? 55 dollars to Hi-5 them? I really want to see them though.... :( I feel so stupid....but its B2ST its the band that keeps me high and has the greatest and sadest and most inspirational lyrics....and the coolest dance moves! argh! Stupid fan girl in me! :(
I Confess I Messed Up 4:38 PM
gotta meet leong again 2morrow...Dr henry hasnt even replied...hmmm...its gonna be another one hour of school and explaning to leong what android and OS means? hahaha! I cant believe i know more bullshit than he does lol!!
OH and more funny shit happened today! gosh! Made my monday awesome!! Simple pleasures :D
And MY MOTHER! Argh. my mom almost fainted!! Pfft. she is so stubborn sometimes....she just doesnt want to listen to me...Always so calm and collected and weak..........getting weaker.... SO yeah! Besides the fact that my mom freaked my aunt out telling my aunt that she has to get a sunat cuz she converted HAHAHAHA!!! SHe totally panicked! Oh and my godma calling my mom up to ask how i am because im not online anymore...LOL! my godma stalks me... and stephan the assasin who chased the OGL around with a pail of water....erm yeah the rest of the days happenings...too much to type... :)
meeting dramamamas tomorrow! WHEEE. And my grandma has like 5 cans of skol in the freezer...damn...if only i could just take one from her O.o.
I wonder if i can just be a couch potato by profession? :D
I Confess I Messed Up 11:22 PM
Pig-rabbit, I love you. I will always love you. I gave you your first kiss, i gave you my first love, i gave you my entire heart. I figured i had nothing to loose. But while we where playing catching you went through that hollow log and came out on the other side only to find that other person and falling in love with that other person. You never turned back, you never came back. All i could do was to stand, crying, hurting, watching from the other side....watching my heart get pulled apart, watching you give your smiles and happiness to...someone else.
While i was watching you, all you saw was my shadow. You couldnt see my feelings because my shadow hid it well....
my hurting heart is cursing. noona, only you can stop these tears...
noona, all that i need is your love.
noona, dont love that other person...love me. love only me.
Ai yoh....why do i keep torturing myself by watching these stupid dramas! Oppa dont cry, when i see you cry, when i see you hurting....it makes me cry...then i feel stupid for crying. DONT PLS. Noona! I blame you! I blame you for all the hurt :( 3 more episodes...and NO MORE!
YAY germany 2 goals lol lol! Hmmmmm....maybe if germany wins...I might get to finally see the NTU german club president or like frau soebekti calls him "superman" in person! hehehe. I missed my chance when i wasnt around during open house...:(
Oh and Fiona! hahaha! i forgot to shout out to you and Him Gee! Fiona and Him Gee! Congrats! Happy living together!! hahaha! :) See you both soon in 3 months!...waiting for the pictures haha! long wait i know...but i will still wait :) I am, i will always wait. :D
I Confess I Messed Up 2:51 AM
Sunday, June 13, 2010
A score in like the 3rd min lol...shiok! haha!
Hands touch, eyes meet Sudden silence, sudden heat Hearts leap in a giddy whirl He could be that boy But I'm not that girl
Don't dream too far Don't lose sight of who you are Don't remember that rush of joy He could be that boy I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal To the land of what-might-have-been But that doesn't soften the ache we feel When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb She who's winsome, she wins him Gold hair with a gentle curl That's the girl he chose And Heaven knows I'm not that girl
Don't wish, don't start Wishing only wounds the heart I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl There's a girl I know He loves her so I'm not that girl...
This week reminded me of all my bad decisions. The last time i posted this song was the time i made the biggest mistakes of my life. I decided love wasnt meant to be. I decided to let it go and i decided to be part of the other love of my life.
Both decisions didnt come out so well. In the end i succumbed to love and i finally decided that if i were to be drama head it would be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
I know im irritating everyone around me. Its not easy to stop being irritating when i dont know why i am irritating. Tell me why so i can change, so i can stop whatever that is making you angry or irritated. Dont expect me to just know whats going on. I dont have six sense...At least just tell it in my face "you are irritating me pls go away". I feel like screaming it out loud at your face. Im just so angry with you torturing me like this. Its stupid and its petty and i have been trying to ignore it for the longest time. I cant quit, i cant leave, i cant give up what can i do then? I love acting. Then why do i feel like drama was the biggest mistake of my life.
Dear friends, Im sorry if i have not been going out with you guys. Im sorry if you hate me. I had drama.
Dear mommy and daddy, Im sorry for the late nights, im sorry for making both of you argue over me and mummy im sorry that daddy always blames you for everything i do wrong and making you cry. I have drama.
Dear heart, Im sorry that i put you through so much pain, making you break into a million pieces and putting you back together only to make you break apart again. I live in drama.
O.o US scored...fml
England forever...raises all our hopes then *insert sound of waterfalls*. :(
Anyways...back to my dramatic gleeful life...how facinating :) Don't wish, don't start Wishing only wounds the heart. I made those decisions, i am going to stick with them. Im just going to continue ignoring everything. Im just not that girl.
I Confess I Messed Up 1:55 AM
Saturday, June 12, 2010
There is so much to say. So much that kills me inside. Good Luck. Have Fun. Enjoy your pretentious life. Maybe the others dont see it, but you are a bitch and you know it. Thanks im glad i found it out the hard way.
I Confess I Messed Up 1:52 PM
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Dont tell me. I dont want to hear that we are meant for each other, that we will be together forever, i make you smile, you can be who you really are around me. Dont talk to me about marriage and adopting kids...(so stupid come on baby?)Please...i dont want you...im sorry...ive had enough of being used. I dont want to be used by you too, you still love her its so obvious. You say she doesnt want you that you have moved on...I love you too much to know that its all a lie. So pls stop telling me lies...stop calling me in the middle of the night to talk. I dont want to talk to you. Stop texting me. I dont want to reply you. Stop treating me like your disposable girlfriend. Stop asking me out when your intention is to just make your ex jealous...
Find someone else to mindfuck please :)
I Confess I Messed Up 1:06 AM
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Ku akan selalu mencintaimu Walau kita tak mungkin bersama Meski berat melepasmu Tapi kamu akan selalu dihatiku selamanya
H showed me this sms A sent him today...lol couldnt stop smilling it was so so sweet...lol they are so sweet hehehe H was like smilling to himself non stop haha! perfect example of aml!
Had the weirdest day with H1 H2 and A...it sucks to be in the middle...of THREE people... :( Hopefully i dont get hated...by anyone of them :( I really dont want to take sides :( fml.
mid life crisis is really taking its toll....
maaf aku, maaf ku yang tak pahami semua inginmu maaf aku ku yang tak mampu iyakan terus maumuI Confess I Messed Up 11:37 PM
Thursday, June 03, 2010
they both are arguing again... :(
I Confess I Messed Up 12:10 AM
The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much.
_This Is Me__
~Name: Sarah Jane Gianna Anthony
Dramamama no.4
~Horoscope: Cancer
~birthday: 12th July
~Age: 18
~School: nanana...
_My Life__
~Ice Cream
~Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Big Bang Theory
_xBitchesx__
x Studying
x Certain peeps...*hint*
_+wishlist+__
Razia's Shadow a Musical album!!
Time!!
