Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Saturday, June 28, 2008
mummy its over...

I know my title is a little over used but who cares!!! Its over and i feel so good....bored but good i was like so busy studying or least trying to study but now its like well a void thats the best word to describe it...a bit weird kinda....ive never had this feeling before? Maybe its because i expected, hoped and anticipated for something to happen but it didnt so i guess its a mix of disappointment and regret oh wells...things dont happen unless you initiate it, you control everything....

yet i dont want to move, i dont want to be the first, i am always the first....its your turn.

alright emo feelings aside....my performance is on the 2nd july thats wed peeps!!!! be there to watch yeah lunch performance at the atrium!!! i want to see you guys all my dudeys!!! must be there!!! :D

I Confess I Messed Up
12:07 AM

Thursday, June 19, 2008
feels like err...

i should be stressed but im not which is bad so....i should be stressed....i should be panicking and worrying....i should stop having eating breaks and cut down on looking into the fridge breaks too....

I must do well...but i know im really slacking behind alot....this is really really bad....i need to catch up one way or another....i cannot be the girl that is looked upon as mediocre...or worst the only failure in the class! I shall try not to be i guess...

try....seems hard all a sudden...

I Confess I Messed Up
12:38 AM

Monday, June 16, 2008
Star Wars Clone Wars!! (animated)

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! argh im so excited so so so so so so so excited this is better than getting the bullet for my valentine album from HY!!!! which is also FANTASTIC!!!

I cant wait for the star wars movie cant wait cant wait!!!! yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!!!
oh my gosh i am like so freakin high right now!!! i think im gonna go do star jumps, jumping jacks, whatever u call it !!! Im gonna go jump around like tigger!!! argh im gonna put the trailer on my blog!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahaha....i feel like so good all i want is to have a plate of port salut, brie, camembert....all kinda cheeses not forgetting my OLIVES!! and a good book and just eat and read....!!!

I Confess I Messed Up
8:09 PM

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Argh!!! this is the third time you are threatening me to leave the house!!! you know what! just wait one day i will!! i cant take this madness u say one thing and then u take it back....saying you dont know anything. I fight for my rights and you tell me to pack my thing and get out!!

Just wait....

I Confess I Messed Up
11:15 PM
chiong

so today went to study at the library....and i managed to study 2 chapters of inorganic chem...thoroughly...i am super happy!!!

uh hem(clears throat)...i would like to thank...all the people who helped me through the phone-sms and calls, and helped me through my lappy- msn....I love u peeps...Thank you so much without you guys i would not have understood anything...MUACKS!!

so yeah quite a lot of things have happen today but its things i cannot reveal through a blog...but yeah lots of things happened...hehe...

i can say out my feeling of what happened...
1. lonely
2. frustrated
3. betrayed
4. guilty
5. joy
6. shock
7. confused
8. ignored
9. pain
10. used

darn it i so did not want to bring it up and talk about what happened because it turns me into someone else...but i cant help it.

i need to stop. i need to stop. it hurts to even think about it.
I hate how im happy and full of hope and then suddenly i go back to reality and the feelings gone.
i secretly just want to hug someone and cry on the person....

Hahaha im so emotional right now...laughing and crying feels so horrible....and yet i cant stop.

I Confess I Messed Up
9:54 PM
movie love

so im in the library supposedly studying...listening to a song about a guy who is addicted to estacy and how he dances so much and sweats like a pig.....and i think about my aunt Miss Kick Ass and her love story.

so well my aunt is super havoc, she Studied in UK and further studied in US...so she was already of legal age...blah..blah...and her current hubby is from the US and he is also further studying...i guess its the whole undergrad the go to grad skool thing that US has....THEY STUDY AT THE SAME UNIVERSITY...!!! ...so anyway....

one day she comes back to her dorm room after curfew and she cant get in, so she instinctively starts throwing pebbles not rocks...PEBBLES at the window of her friend, forgetting what a lazy ass the dude is...no choice aim for (what she did not know at that time) the man she was going to marry.

Mr Charming answers her mating call...haha joking...yeah so he opens his window, and she asks him to try to get her friend up. Instead Mr Charming turns into her knight in shining armour and helps her in instead...he allows her to climb and go through his window....

the incident repeats itself, this time she climbs, straight away, into his dorm room through the window...with permission of course... and they become friends, close friends, really close friends...(she is not so easy) and they started dating....

THE LOVE OBSTACLE

so yeah like every love story there is an or many obstacle(s)...She lives in the UK and she wants to work there while the guy gets this really high post at a really big, HUGE company....They seperate not knowing what would happen....

One lovely breezy day Miss Kick Ass woke up in her royal suite at the four seasons manhattan (exageratting) she wonders why its such a perfect day....while he too wonders the same thing...
They both head to "the" conference. SAME CONFERENCE!!!

the meet....and sparks fly EVERYWHERE!!! (aww...) It was fated that they would meet again, they catch up and start dating again....but they both know that they are made for each other....

He FINALLY proposes and they get married.....He is like they perfect guy...He wakes up takes the dog for a walk, makes breakfast and brings it up to her every weekend....He even wanted to give up his promotion and job because she had a better job somewhere else...(aww...)

so yeah i better get back to studying....THE GROUP IN FRONT OF ME IS SUPER LOUD!!! CANT CONCENTRATE....argh!!

I Confess I Messed Up
9:25 AM

Tuesday, June 10, 2008
dear me

he is everything you want he is everything you need he is everything inside of you that you wish you could be he says all the right things at exactly the right time but he means nothing to you and you dont know why....

I Confess I Messed Up
6:29 PM
avoid copulation or you will get pregnant...hehe...

gift and curses-yellowcard....this songs rules my heart!!! this song is from spider-man 2 so mary is mary jane.....its this really super sweet song that when i listen to it, i block all noise out and retreat into my own bubble....I Love It....its just really nice and the violins!!!!!!! the violins in this song together with the keyboards the drums and guitar....heaven.....its all for you....my worst pains are words I cannot say -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeCR6-gaQaA
listen to the instrumental part 10 its really nice....

okay so my granny thinks she is pregnant not the maid, or at least for now....i guess...she wants us to bring her to the doctors to check if she is pregnant hahahaha (notice title is about coitus)....well haha!!!! its hilarious she keeps telling us her belly is soft hahaha. We keep replying telling her its not true that she hasnt touched a guy in 30 years be it have...youknowwhat....it was super funnylah...if only i had a pic of her face...she had that innocent naive but very certain and sure look...she kept nodding her head up and down trying to make us believe her she kept repeating 1 word "really...."
she gave up after a while haha....
so we brought her back to my aunts house after lunch and then she was like going back to pukimak-nya rumah....(in eng. your moms vagina's house) I just burst out laughing because that was the climax!!! she has been continously sprouting out vulgarities but this was the funniest....haha!!! NANNY!!! where did she learn these words??? haha i L-O-V-E love my granny....

ok now to my second granny....argh!!! why is it that i have a curfew and she doesnt???? she came home at 1 last night!!! 1 o'clock!!!! why didnt my mom say anything.....so i approached my mom today morning, sat down and had a small heart to heart chat...youknow...and i told her that i was angry by the totally biased look towards her own mother.
she replied" mama is 73 no guy would want to kidnap her or do...youknowwhat....with her...and even if she did get...youknowwhat...by nobody knows who? it would be a great thing as she is sexually deprived"
I was like WHAT??? OMG did my heart to heart talk just get to honest for comfort....???? i kept thinking of my grandmother in karmasutra positions.....hahaha....GROSS....!!!!!

so anyway i was too grossed out to continue the argument and decided to just leave it as that....or at that.
But i was still angry so i decided to lash out at my totally not adulteress grandmother. "mama your fan is always on, waste electricity, you go out never off!!!" [i know sounds evil but she always does it to me ill leave the dining room fan and lights on for 5 secs and she will start screaming at how i waste my dads money how i have no manners and respect...blah blah peranakan stuff....her face always like asam pedas lah!! (hot and sour its a red spicy fish curry thing....) ] then she did what i expected her to do which made me lol...haha
she totally started defending herself although she did not own up to her mistake...the way she was defending herself was enough to feel her anger and GUILT!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

she was so funnylah...I LOVE U TOO MAMA!!! haha should see how she jumps when she gets a phone call...or rushes home and prepares and waits for her darling william's phone call haha!!! her huge 100 watt smile whenever he is around....she is acting like a teenager again....haha

so yeah..thats my life story for now...peace out!!! smiles.... :):):):)

I Confess I Messed Up
4:54 PM

Monday, June 09, 2008
tuners

thanks to 10 i got my battery operated guitar tuner for 12 bucks!!! which is a HUGE bargain!!!

having a guitar tuner is total joy...
the childish excitement as you clip the tuner to your guitar. The suspense as the needle flips back and forth the satisfaction as the colour turns green and the elation as you strum through the strings and the tone is perfect!!!!
hmm....in other words its a total turn on!!! hahahahaha!!!!!

so today HY and Pam and i went to buy band shirts....i bought 2 on impulse and i am starting to regret it....i feel so guilty for spending so much i need to start selling off stuff already....haha HY is going to buy my leggings...which i also bought on impulse hahahahaha!!! I AM BROKE!!!! I think i can only afford to eat maggi noodles everyday.....YIKES!!!

i hate it that our life is like an hourglass when it first starts, you cant wait for it to flow quicker you want to see it move, you start shaking it....and then after a while you realise its going to fast and u try to stop it, but it just keeps flowing and flowing, you struggle. It haunts you in your sleep the regret of your mistakes and the pleas for more time. You wish you can just turn it back around. The sand still flows until it reaches its end.

oh well....change subject...the sun is like scorching hot!!!! i was stewing under the sun....i was definitely close to well done by the time i was home, and that was close to 5.30....the sun was still shining so brightly and was generously giving its heat out.....

okok....so studies haha...not starting at all...haha EXAMS ARE IN TWO WEEKS!!!! hehe...yeah exams are in two weeks....two weeks....2 WEEKS....hmmm.....how far away are the exams? hahahahaha!!!

take me through the stormiest weathers....

I Confess I Messed Up
5:44 PM

Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Once-when your minds made up

So
If you ever want something
You call, you call
And I'll come running to fight
And I'll be at your door
And there's nothing worth running for

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to stop it

You see you're just like everyone
When you share your falls
All you want to do is run away
And hide all by yourself
When there's fall, there's fall
There's nothing else

When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to change it
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point even talkin'
When your mind is made up
When your mind is made up
There's no point trying to fight it
When your mind, your mind

There's no point trying to change it

When your

So
If you ever want something
Then you call, call
Then I'll come running

I Confess I Messed Up
7:14 PM

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

today was pure estasy....
i had such a good time listening to the songs from 10s phone.....it was total LOVE plus she had my fav. gershwin rhapsody in blue!!!!! ahahaha!!!! reminds me of fantasia!!! made me so high!!!! i just wanted to twirl and twirl....i felt i was going to morpth into a spiral of beautiful bright colours!!!

the songs she had was Amazing!!! they were fantastic...never before did i think that i would enjoy classical so so much!!! i always warned myself never to say that music is ur life if u only listen to certain genres.....and its true...but finally i have discovered my beethoven side...AND IM LOVING IT!!! I also can finally say that music is my life...haha thank u 10!!!!

i miss ur music haha....the violin and the piano pieces...argh!!! they were wonderful....hahaha!!! i am totally high as usual and u know what happens when i get high (my sneeky smile) i shall listen to the fart exercise now haha... :)

thks so much 10!!!

I Confess I Messed Up
9:27 PM

Monday, June 02, 2008
sugar spice and everything nice

haha, i was on youtube and i came upon this comment and i thought it was super sweet of him...although he does not like the song haha!!!!

"sorry i gotta admit this sounds kinda like teenage whining more than a great song.

and before people ask why am i watching it...a girl i like likes the band...im gonna give each of the bands she mentioned a few tracks to convince me"

haha so cute....haha!! sarah stop getting high....

okok...hehe...

I Confess I Messed Up
7:53 PM

Sunday, June 01, 2008
ARGH!!!

Nanny is starting again....she is causing so much problems...they might admit her again.
I hate this! I hate the hospital! I hate seeing her inside! why...why cant she just get better?
The people in there affect her! They suck! Dont u get it the hospital is bad for her????? Why arent the pills working? its making her worse!!!!

Why cant she just be normal!!!! why cant she just be naive and innocent?
I know she is sick by why does her words hurt so much? am i biase to her already?

Sometimes i laugh at the rubbish that comes out of her mouth is that bad? is that evil?
I love u so much nanny pls get better MR up there in heaven..help her get better...

She is saying that we want to kill her? she says the maid cries when she realises my cuz didnt kill her.... She says things like she was raped and that the family put a white cloth under her to see if there is blood....?????? how does she know all this? she couldnt just make it up? what if it was all true? what if we think that she is crazy but its all true? Should we take her in again? will she call me all those hurtful names again? will she say that im trying to kill her? Will this affect me more?

she doesnt get that her stories dont make sense? argh...I love her so much!!!

Im so emotional right now...someone be my pillar pls im seriously gonna crash!

I Confess I Messed Up
11:28 PM