Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Friday, January 29, 2010
Im Sorry!

omg today is prob the most embarrasing day of my life....

alrights maybe the first half of the day was great cuz i finished a lot of things although it was really tiring...and i finished marketing wheee!! i came home and washed all traces of marketing on me!! i feel so clean now!!! hahaha! but i did piss off a couple of people throughout the day and im trully sorry! i really am!!

and after the exhausting day at school i sustained myself purely on choki choki and m&ms...and laughter and i was totally not myself...i screamed like a mad woman non stop my high pitched voice! because my laptop dropped....omg....i dont think i will ever be forgiven for doing such a irritating thing....what was i thinking...screaming like that... O.o ...

im so happy that i can sleep early tonight!!!!

I came home took a 10 min shut eye and a bath, it was only then did i realise that i did another really stupid thing while i was in my highness....so stupid....i so need to sleep now...got my games all planed out for 2morrow...hope that 2morrow will be a better day than last week...

for all who i have pissed off today in one way or another i am truly sorry!! sorry helen for screaming at you after marketing lecture...so sorry...

I Confess I Messed Up
10:24 PM

you dont even notice me drifting away.

Im happy about that anyway! hahaha! gives me time to think think think...wheeee!

I Confess I Messed Up
1:15 AM

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

hahahahaha today i kissed Kaye on the hand!!!! (happy kaye?) And she got me chocolates!!!! hehe thanks Bambi!!!!
YAY!!! and the train stopped for us to kiss hahahaha! and we successfully stole the attention of everyone on the train hahaha!! AND KAYE YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND! you cant wait for me to do the vibration thing to you right?? hahaha!

lol and azizi got his organiser! lol he is so cute (dont kill me azizi) He was so dissapointed cuz he couldnt find the organiser he wanted and then at the end of the 1hr search we finally picked another one, but he had to have another look at the other shelf hahaha so we went over and then TADAH! he found the organiser he wanted!! except it was a dif colour and texture...hehehe...but he was so happy!! hahaha so cute! AND i showed azizi a secret exit! hahaha! he was so shocked... "we can go through here?" hehe...comel....

at home...My Granny has been staying with us for a while now...and its been super stressful on everyone having both mother in law's in the same house....its honestly a mad house in here, each mother trying to outbeat the other mother...its killing my mother.
and so my mom is acting out on me and my dad...ai yoh...
hahaha but overall it has been a very fun day! hahaha! a very fun day........

I Confess I Messed Up
11:48 PM

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

listen to my heartbeat, its waiting for you

I Confess I Messed Up
8:51 PM

Monday, January 25, 2010

wow i havent had much to update for so long....i miss updating....its like talking to myself...hahaha! which is what i need i need to motivate myself!! woohoo!!

So... hahahaha!! i slept super late to copy eveything and get everything done...but yet during the quiz i forgot everything...woohoo....im just awesome!!

anyways main point is...IM OVER YOU!!! hahahaha not exactly....but its only because im crazy!!! i dont get why i still get really happy whenever i get a message from you...and i still have the habit to check my phone every 15mins and i even stare at my phone wondering if i should be the one to msg you....hahahahaha!!! but it will soon go away i know it!!! :D
hahaha!

im going to go stuff myself with sweets now yay!

I Confess I Messed Up
9:12 PM

Sunday, January 24, 2010

sarah? did you forget to take your pills? oh what pills? your blurness pills of course...stunned right? *laughs to self and walks away*

argh!!! wtf!

and all i asked was how to delete a photo...."im not going to teach you that. Why? Because it would take too long for you to get it, and im not in the mood to teach you."

WTF!!! what the F did i do to you to get this treatment!! Do i look like im freaking 5 year old!

Sarah you stand at the end, since you are the shortest and your face is so big....

JUST F-ING LEAVE ME ALONE!! You always do this! you are nice one day and F-ing bitchy and insulting another day! and you expect me to enjoy the party? well F you! you called me stupid! well yeah just because you are smarter and what not....doesnt mean you are better than me and that you can treat me like im some bullshit you can trample on!! Its a bloody camera! and its not even your own! oh wow you are a media student you know everything....woohoo!! so happy for you.

i hate this week! i hate the fact that i forgot to study and do my BPT and my quiz is tomorrow and i hate you!

I Confess I Messed Up
9:28 PM

i so need to update happy things....whatever happened today does not make me happy...just adds to the bullshit in my life i mean seriously wake up yo! i cant believe i had to lie to you....to make you feel good about yourself!! i have problems of my own!! argh!! leave me alone for a day!!!

okay plus today really sucks....

YES i like you....I DO....I REALLY DO. Ive been so obvious i even told it to you in your face. You took it as a joke. As usual you like someone else. At least i hear it from you. i dont get it...its like my third time im getting my heart destroyed over my carelessness and naivety....

I just need a day to laugh everything off...and i will be fine....falling for you was stupid from the start....but it still happened...AGAIN! AS ALWAYS and i feel stupid now real stupid. But life has to F-ing go on and im not going to emo about it because i already know i cant have you...so there is no point. After all its just infatuation...

So yes okay i feel better now....looks like i can continue to sms you everyday...

emo sarah out!

I Confess I Messed Up
12:42 AM

Friday, January 15, 2010
Im not that girl

okay im feeling really sad and depressed today....and eating a whole truckload of food just proves it....i really dont feel good....and its not helping that i could go for green day! but i have school....and i just wanna listen to wicked non stop on repeat!! i feel so emo and horrible! the cold weather and my heart feeling so heavy and cold....argh!!! what is wrong with me.....my mom is not helping at all....its like i tell her to stop teasing me but she wont...she kept laughing when i told her i didnt feel good...!

lyrics to Im Not That Girl....( i know...im freaking depressed i keep questioning what ive done today! i just want to cry! but i cant!! cuz my granny is sleeping in my room...and my other granny keeps walking around the house!!! cant even take a piss!! argh im just going to go try to sleep...im tired...and maybe my hormones will calm down!)

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

yes it was all pretend...me being happy...was a pretence

I Confess I Messed Up
12:20 AM

Sunday, January 03, 2010

today woke up with serious case of swollen eyes....because i cried all night....

i now know the cause of my inferiority complex, my family.

Yesterday was the last draw for me. I found out that my cousins were all going out but my family wasnt invited, plus my grandmother was dumped on us to take care of because they are going out and they cant bring my grandma along...

worst was how i found out that they were going out! they didnt even tell us! I found out because one of my cousins slipped.
I stupidly asked "we are going out for lunch?"
and she replied "oh no not you, just us"

WTF?!! this is not the first time! there were so many other times! They didnt even come for christmas. They never invite us for their parties too. When they do come, they insult everything...from the decor to the crowd. Always with that black moody face. So why do we still invite them all the time? They always do this! Why do we still care? Why are we still so nice to them? Why werent we invited again? Is there something wrong with us?

So i spoke to my mom last night and she told me that i asked the same question when i was 3. It was after mass and i saw my cousins trying to ignore us and rushing out of church. When we finally caught up with them, they told us that they were going out and that they didnt know that we were at home so they didnt drop by to invite us. NO APOLOGIES. I innocently kept asking my godmother to bring me along. I was always denied the chance. I cried so much then. I cry so much now.

Same thing happens to my moms side, except they ran to australia and never wanted to see us again. They always come back SECRETLY...shhh.... O.o...

Oh and when i do get to follow my cousins or outings with my aunts...they complain about me...WOW...legendary!
I try so hard! Im out! Im not doing this anymore, im not gonna just follow them to get accepted. So humiliated...I wonder how my parents just stay silent.

So now i know why i feel everyone just tolerates me...cuz maybe they do.... F them!

I Confess I Messed Up
9:14 PM