Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I got a message today! I got an A for my FYP! This is so awesome. Thank you God!! Thank You so so much!

Okay...so today i revealed the script. Argh. The look on their faces when they realised they got small roles. I didnt know what to do. I feel so horrible. I wouldnt put a yr 1 in if i felt you did a better job. And as for the girl....you were awesome during audition. All the yr 3s voted for you. But...argh....we thought about it...and then we didnt think it was going to work....argh! I Feel so angry with myself. Im going to write more lines for you. ....I will rectify it. We didnt forget you...We really didnt!!! ARGH!!

At least i got counselling from the person i was trying to help....I really needed help.
Thank You so much Vicky. Your blog reminds me so much of how i felt last time. I hope my experience with what i felt with all the things you are going through, and thing you will go through helps you to realise that its normal.
To feel the shot of pain in your heart when the person comes online and when you see a facebook post or just anything the person does. Or when you just suddenly remember old memories and start crying. Its normal. Vicky thanks for everything you told me. It helped me so much. I may have sounded selfish but i really am not. I just kept thinking stuff...now i dont have too. It really helped me. It may not seem to change anything. To me it does change a lot of things. I cant believe it.....ive been so blind.

Anyways enough...we love you. You can do this. He is not worth it. Date chinese guys! rmb our promise haha!

Talk about Exes....I had to read through my chat logs recently...i read some not everything...i tried to avoid it...but i still read some stuff. It was still really painful but at the same time really entertaining. It was so funny! The shit we talked about. Haha! I miss that person i was...even though i sounded so stalkerish in the convos haha!
One day im going to look through those chat logs again and laugh my head off. One day.

Alrites...I didnt have enough sleep last night so im going to try to get some now...hopefully im well rested tomorrow for my first production rehearsal. Pls God help me.

Also. God please help my parents. As much as i hate my father now....He is my father....They havent spoken to each other for over a month. Everytime they start "talking" it comes out as an argument. I hate what i have to go through. Cant you just stop doing this dad?!

You go through a simple Cicle! Cold War - Small Talk - Arguement - Cold War.
I go through: Your Mom - Im not talking about this - Its not my fault - Dont worry about your mom and me. And then mom will come to me: Your Father - I feel like i have no one to talk too - He thinks he is always right - Im so sick of him.

Today you drove the car away and left the both of us stranded in the carpark looking for you! And when mummy called you, you said you went to the other carpark to wait for us! You didnt even call! You made us look for you.We thought we got the wrong carpark. Then we figured you left without us. All this just because i told you to stop insulting your wife and her mother and her brother?
You called my grandmother shameless and desperate. How you think mummy feels? I just want all of this to end! Please.

I Confess I Messed Up
11:51 PM

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Was online the whole night talking to keith and wan lol. Wan was so hilarious! Its so cute how much he loves azizi. Honestly its incredible haha! Whenever azizi sleeps beside him, wan would allows take the opportunity to rub azizi's back lol....its so cute....like patting him to sleep lol.

Wan is going to get the Iphone 4g! Ah!! lol.! I told him im gonna get mine christmas time...hopefully i dont spend what ive saved already haha! Cant wait!!! :) :)!!!

Bad news! Boohoo!! So Miss Tan gave me ten tickets to the SCL anniversary dinner. I can invite whoever i want!! Honestly it might not sound tt awesome...i mean who wants to go to a boring dinner...I know i dint want to at first...BUT this was actually something Helen talked about a few months ago! And she really wanted to go! So we kinda planned everything! Who we wanted to go with and after party...Lol...okay that part i didnt discuss with her...She would have freaked. But anyhow. Helen cant make it! And i dont feel like going anymore. Sucks bad! But i still have to go!

Helen you owe me one! Korea Sparkling better be awesome okay! And you owe me soju!

Im done with dexter! Well not quite but close to done! last 15 mins of season 4! Its all on pause now cuz im not quite sure if i wanna end it. 12 eps....all over if i continue...T_T

Lol...okok my dramamama aside! True Blood is so awesome!! I cant stop watching it either! Im so glad my godparents introduced me to it! lol!

alright so ive been wasting way too much time! i have to finish the script and proposal :(

Have you ever seen your ex crush or ex after a long time and wonder why in the world did you ever like them in the first place? You think and you laugh to yourself how things happen and you have no control over it. And then you tell yourself, thank goodness you got over that person or broke up with that person or that person broke up with you? Or you would have never woken up from that sweet dream and made you realise how stupid you were? lol. funny shit.

I Confess I Messed Up
2:59 PM

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Step up 3 was so so awesome! It was the coolest movie ever! better than Youve got served! and the shoes! OMG almost fainted in the theater! Lav jo and i were probably the only ones screaming so much haha! and ADAM SEVANI is so HOT! HEHEHE! I LOVE THE MOVIE SO MUCH!

So last night i had this weird dream. I dreamt that you were in a dress...i know right? dress? and you grabbed my hand and i looked at your face and you looked so innocent, i knew i had to pull away so i did...slowly your fingers parted from mine...and i looked at you as i walked away. You never turned back. You just kept staring at me like you didnt want me to leave. I turned around and continued to walk. Well by then i woke up.

I didnt want to tell anyone about this because it was the stupidest dream i have ever had. I havent thought of you for so long. But today something happened....is it a coincidence? I REALLY DUNNO!

I know that she likes me. She cant make it anymore obvious. She practically said she liked me 6 times in all of today. But its not the confession that scares me. Its the things that she says.

She said things i used to say to you. We smsed about the same things i used to text you about. She has siblings like you do. And she talked about them too. She does things i used to do when i was with you. Like sms in the theater and she tells me that im funny and cute. Confess that i make her smile to herself. I told her that i will get annoying after a while. I told her that one day ill be a disturbance. That was what you say to me.
She tells me that im different, that i dont annoy her at all and she likes me texting her. Its not a disturbance. I used to say that to you.
Her uncle passed away. I consoled her, just like how you did when my great granny passed away.
She told me that she was afraid that if she texted too much my bills will sky rocket. And i said the same thing to you. And i replied the same way you did. I told her that its okay.

I didnt realise all this until she told me her uncle passed away...then everything just came back. All the memories. I was so stupid.

What if i fall for her because i felt i had to, since she liked me. Like you did with me? What if i cant differentiate sympathy from like. And i think i like her? What if i use her as a replacement like you did?

All this coincidence is killing me. Its like everything is coming back. Or is it that i know im falling for her....and im making excuses to not? Mistakes were made so we can learn from them.

So do i tell her that i can never be with her to prevent what happened with us? Prevent me from breaking her heart. Or do i give her a chance? Maybe it might be a good decision? I feel so stupid.

Lav says that i should date her already. Forget about the whole junior senior thing. But she says if i know im going to hurt her then i really shoudnt. I need to make up my mind.
Wan says i sound like david. Hahaha! He asked if i liked her back. That these are mistakes that i need to learn from. Wan says that its normal that memories come back. It happens to him too. That if i really dont like her than i should tell her.
Helen says that i should just chill. and that the coincidence of the scary text msg which got mysteriously deleted which my aunt claims was sent by my mom. Is not a coincidence with all that has happened today. There is no paranormal things happening.

And my mom brought home a bouquet she caught from the bride. Maybe she is getting married to someone new? Hopefully someone who doesnt make her massage his feet every day.

Cant wait to watch Going the Distance!

I Confess I Messed Up
10:17 PM