sarahs pithole of baNaNas

2010-09-21T23:51:00.002+08:00

I got a message today! I got an A for my FYP! This is so awesome. Thank you God!! Thank You so so much!

Okay...so today i revealed the script. Argh. The look on their faces when they realised they got small roles. I didnt know what to do. I feel so horrible. I wouldnt put a yr 1 in if i felt you did a better job. And as for the girl....you were awesome during audition. All the yr 3s voted for you. But...argh....we thought about it...and then we didnt think it was going to work....argh! I Feel so angry with myself. Im going to write more lines for you. ....I will rectify it. We didnt forget you...We really didnt!!! ARGH!!

At least i got counselling from the person i was trying to help....I really needed help.
Thank You so much Vicky. Your blog reminds me so much of how i felt last time. I hope my experience with what i felt with all the things you are going through, and thing you will go through helps you to realise that its normal.
To feel the shot of pain in your heart when the person comes online and when you see a facebook post or just anything the person does. Or when you just suddenly remember old memories and start crying. Its normal. Vicky thanks for everything you told me. It helped me so much. I may have sounded selfish but i really am not. I just kept thinking stuff...now i dont have too. It really helped me. It may not seem to change anything. To me it does change a lot of things. I cant believe it.....ive been so blind.

Anyways enough...we love you. You can do this. He is not worth it. Date chinese guys! rmb our promise haha!

Talk about Exes....I had to read through my chat logs recently...i read some not everything...i tried to avoid it...but i still read some stuff. It was still really painful but at the same time really entertaining. It was so funny! The shit we talked about. Haha! I miss that person i was...even though i sounded so stalkerish in the convos haha!
One day im going to look through those chat logs again and laugh my head off. One day.

Alrites...I didnt have enough sleep last night so im going to try to get some now...hopefully im well rested tomorrow for my first production rehearsal. Pls God help me.

Also. God please help my parents. As much as i hate my father now....He is my father....They havent spoken to each other for over a month. Everytime they start "talking" it comes out as an argument. I hate what i have to go through. Cant you just stop doing this dad?!

You go through a simple Cicle! Cold War - Small Talk - Arguement - Cold War.
I go through: Your Mom - Im not talking about this - Its not my fault - Dont worry about your mom and me. And then mom will come to me: Your Father - I feel like i have no one to talk too - He thinks he is always right - Im so sick of him.

Today you drove the car away and left the both of us stranded in the carpark looking for you! And when mummy called you, you said you went to the other carpark to wait for us! You didnt even call! You made us look for you.We thought we got the wrong carpark. Then we figured you left without us. All this just because i told you to stop insulting your wife and her mother and her brother?
You called my grandmother shameless and desperate. How you think mummy feels? I just want all of this to end! Please.

2010-09-16T14:59:00.004+08:00

Was online the whole night talking to keith and wan lol. Wan was so hilarious! Its so cute how much he loves azizi. Honestly its incredible haha! Whenever azizi sleeps beside him, wan would allows take the opportunity to rub azizi's back lol....its so cute....like patting him to sleep lol.

Wan is going to get the Iphone 4g! Ah!! lol.! I told him im gonna get mine christmas time...hopefully i dont spend what ive saved already haha! Cant wait!!! :) :)!!!

Bad news! Boohoo!! So Miss Tan gave me ten tickets to the SCL anniversary dinner. I can invite whoever i want!! Honestly it might not sound tt awesome...i mean who wants to go to a boring dinner...I know i dint want to at first...BUT this was actually something Helen talked about a few months ago! And she really wanted to go! So we kinda planned everything! Who we wanted to go with and after party...Lol...okay that part i didnt discuss with her...She would have freaked. But anyhow. Helen cant make it! And i dont feel like going anymore. Sucks bad! But i still have to go!

Helen you owe me one! Korea Sparkling better be awesome okay! And you owe me soju!

Im done with dexter! Well not quite but close to done! last 15 mins of season 4! Its all on pause now cuz im not quite sure if i wanna end it. 12 eps....all over if i continue...T_T

Lol...okok my dramamama aside! True Blood is so awesome!! I cant stop watching it either! Im so glad my godparents introduced me to it! lol!

alright so ive been wasting way too much time! i have to finish the script and proposal :(

Have you ever seen your ex crush or ex after a long time and wonder why in the world did you ever like them in the first place? You think and you laugh to yourself how things happen and you have no control over it. And then you tell yourself, thank goodness you got over that person or broke up with that person or that person broke up with you? Or you would have never woken up from that sweet dream and made you realise how stupid you were? lol. funny shit.

2010-09-04T22:17:00.002+08:00

Step up 3 was so so awesome! It was the coolest movie ever! better than Youve got served! and the shoes! OMG almost fainted in the theater! Lav jo and i were probably the only ones screaming so much haha! and ADAM SEVANI is so HOT! HEHEHE! I LOVE THE MOVIE SO MUCH!

So last night i had this weird dream. I dreamt that you were in a dress...i know right? dress? and you grabbed my hand and i looked at your face and you looked so innocent, i knew i had to pull away so i did...slowly your fingers parted from mine...and i looked at you as i walked away. You never turned back. You just kept staring at me like you didnt want me to leave. I turned around and continued to walk. Well by then i woke up.

I didnt want to tell anyone about this because it was the stupidest dream i have ever had. I havent thought of you for so long. But today something happened....is it a coincidence? I REALLY DUNNO!

I know that she likes me. She cant make it anymore obvious. She practically said she liked me 6 times in all of today. But its not the confession that scares me. Its the things that she says.

She said things i used to say to you. We smsed about the same things i used to text you about. She has siblings like you do. And she talked about them too. She does things i used to do when i was with you. Like sms in the theater and she tells me that im funny and cute. Confess that i make her smile to herself. I told her that i will get annoying after a while. I told her that one day ill be a disturbance. That was what you say to me.
She tells me that im different, that i dont annoy her at all and she likes me texting her. Its not a disturbance. I used to say that to you.
Her uncle passed away. I consoled her, just like how you did when my great granny passed away.
She told me that she was afraid that if she texted too much my bills will sky rocket. And i said the same thing to you. And i replied the same way you did. I told her that its okay.

I didnt realise all this until she told me her uncle passed away...then everything just came back. All the memories. I was so stupid.

What if i fall for her because i felt i had to, since she liked me. Like you did with me? What if i cant differentiate sympathy from like. And i think i like her? What if i use her as a replacement like you did?

All this coincidence is killing me. Its like everything is coming back. Or is it that i know im falling for her....and im making excuses to not? Mistakes were made so we can learn from them.

So do i tell her that i can never be with her to prevent what happened with us? Prevent me from breaking her heart. Or do i give her a chance? Maybe it might be a good decision? I feel so stupid.

Lav says that i should date her already. Forget about the whole junior senior thing. But she says if i know im going to hurt her then i really shoudnt. I need to make up my mind.
Wan says i sound like david. Hahaha! He asked if i liked her back. That these are mistakes that i need to learn from. Wan says that its normal that memories come back. It happens to him too. That if i really dont like her than i should tell her.
Helen says that i should just chill. and that the coincidence of the scary text msg which got mysteriously deleted which my aunt claims was sent by my mom. Is not a coincidence with all that has happened today. There is no paranormal things happening.

And my mom brought home a bouquet she caught from the bride. Maybe she is getting married to someone new? Hopefully someone who doesnt make her massage his feet every day.

Cant wait to watch Going the Distance!

2010-08-30T16:44:00.002+08:00

Okay! So! Here is what happened. (sounds like the starting of glee haha!)

Andrea's Bf came down for a week! Lol....He is hilarious! We had dinner at this seafood place at sembawang. Named Blue haven lol. Anyways food is good there haha! Although it sounds super weird haha!! okok back to Murray

His name is Randy Murray! They call him Murray! He lives on the hills of Perth, about 25 kilometers from town. His garden has watermelons and lots of fruits growing. It takes 3 days for a watermelon to grow. Kangaroos like to steal fruits from his backyard garden! LOL How super cute is that! KANGAROOS!! And according to Gill, when he is drunk he actually creates proper sentences haha!
The dude mumbles so so much! You can barely make out what he is saying. lol. Australians!

Oh and hahaha! We brought him to Woodlands Waterfront! Which is an awesome place to go and makeout btw. Haha! Okay not just to makeout...but its a real lovely place to hangout!
Well being the tourist ... Murray got really lucky. He was posing for pictures and leaned on bird shit! huge greenish spot in his arm haha! Perfect Singapore experience!
They both look so cute together and so compatible! Andrea would be nagging about how he cant make decisions and she has to make them all for him. And he complains about how she has no patience!!! HAHA!
Im really happy for them. They are like the most adorable couple ever. And he keeps calling her sweety. LOL. Hopefully this long distance thing works out. Open relationships always suck bad :( But they are mature enough anyways :) SO COOL!

FYP presentation went really great! In fact they want us to continue my project for our entrepreneurship :( and try to get a scholarship! Its cool lah....but the work we have to do...and i seriously doubt we can get the spring scholarship...I guess i just have to wait for what Mr Tan says.

Production auditions were awesome too! It was seriously shocking to see how much the yr2s have grown! They are acting much better than before! Must be the lecture david and i gave them! Hopefully they continue improving! I really hope I and Wan can train them!

Nadeen apologised to me...weird to actually hear an apology from him....he doesnt usually apologise...
Anyways i never really thought about how i would feel if he apologised...I kinda just told myself that it was my fault...but im actually really glad he finally understands what is going on. Its just so clear what is going on i guess.

sigh...I need to set someone up immediately by the way....

Both my grannies...arent doing well health wise...attitude too...my moms super stressed...hopefully everythings gonna be fine....

Life goes on! So! Met my younger cuz and she told me about this song! Im loving it!!! HAHAHA!

2010-08-15T02:13:00.003+08:00

It was so great to have people to talk to...about serious stuff. Not fluffy happy stuff in the words of Erica. Serious stuff we fail to talk about in useless conversations. Not just things about school and friends but about relationships, love, family, money, future also. I am glad we talked about LIFE.

I wished i could have stayed longer with them so badly...i have so much to tell them...but argh. When i received that call and her shaky voice on the phone... I hate this. Im not used to it at all. I dont know how to handle it.

I just wish everything could just stop. Why are things this way. Too much pain, too much tears. I just wish the world could just stop.

I hate how the world is so sick. I miss being real. But sometimes you just got to pretend in order to survive.

I dont think im ready though.

2010-08-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

I would rather be alone than pretend to be alright.

2010-08-09T02:17:00.003+08:00

Its report time!! but at least i can finally stay up late doing nothing but wasting time!! :) havent been on the computer for a week i think...so wheee...feels great to touch my laptop after being away from it for so long!

Hmmm....updates. Hahaha! Im just happy. Really happy. Happy that YOG stress is over, happy that i got to host the event even though i was bad. Happy that i got to host with Ling! Who is like so so awesome btw! Its so great to emcee and learn so much from her! Happy that i lost weight. Happy that im getting better. Although my throat still feels like shit. Happy that hahaha my love life is getting more and more interesting hmmmm. Maybe its my new specs hahaha! Which i love btw. I love the brown colour...it looks exactly like my old ones hahaha but its a different colour! lol

But yeah funny though how things go the way you want it to go. Its funnier when you knew these things would happen ultimately to *cough* certain people....and they actually do hahaha! It feels good...like you have super powers hahaha! :) You just wanna tell those people... "i told you it will happen"! Haha! Glad they are finally dating...finally! Hehehe happy.

For now, things that have to get done. Script. Report. Poster. AES. Then FYP is over! and its back to school and exam stress and production :(

Cant wait to have an awesome time at St Johns Island later! Hopefully i can wake up!! Im so not staying there past dusk....so freaky man! Family time wheeee :)Oh and maybe fireworks hehehe?? Hopefully!!! Wheeee :) happy birthday sg. Lol...like daniel said. lucky there is national day or no one would ever rmb when sg got its independence. Hahaha!

Glogster

2010-07-31T02:13:00.001+08:00

2010-07-30T01:19:00.003+08:00

The damage is done...is this too much to ask?

Woah I didnt think i would fall this sick....

Was supposed to see Mr Tan today. Its the second time i couldnt meet him! He is probably gonna think im super irresponsible....argh...at least i finished my work early so i can go back to sleep again :)

I was supposed to go out with Jo and Lav today...they cancelled because i couldnt make it... :( i feel damn guilty for falling sick...We planned this a long long time ago...thank goodness Jo wasnt angry with me...

I feel like crap today but my amazing friends lol...i really dunno what ill do without them...

Jo was so sweet...even if this is my 100th time cancelling on them...she still said if i needed anything or in the mood for anything to just tell her...lol...she is just so free man! Hahaha! she made me promise that I meet up after im better...lol...!

I miss gossiping about OGM and DAG and Brain and Grouper and Shampoo with 10!!
I miss Fiona and our useless talk in the library! I miss spending time with the gals in a stupid corner of the library just fan-girling. I miss the guys and their idoitic ways. I cant wait for FYP to end. I cant wait for everything to end. 1 more month.

Helen...Its been 2 yrs since ive known you. And We've both changed. I know you can see that i hate what is happening to me. You hate how ive changed. I know i promised to change back when i see you again...but i dont think i can...and i think things are just gonna get worse. All i can hope for is that you won't give up on me pls. I miss you so much. Thank you for everything...

I enjoyed my thurs night to the max...more than i have on any other day...i enjoyed it so much it made me cry. Thank you guys for everything...

2010-07-26T23:01:00.003+08:00

Argh how is it that im feeling guilty!

They took my laptop to go on their date...and didnt tell me...not a sms or a call and they said that i didnt tell them that i needed to do work...said that next time i need to sms them so that they have prove of what i said...and they i would be home late...even asked me to go meet them at woodlands if i needed my laptop...no apologies...

I really need to do work...its not my fault...right? I mean besides the shouting and the scolding...i cried...that had to prove how stressed i was right?

And when they called to say they were coming home to bring my laptop back...

How was i supposed to know that my dad was just gonna bring my laptop back and go back out to meet my mom...

Plus all my websites that i left open without bookmarking have all been closed because they shut down the computer! All my research!

now i feel so guilty for making them do this for me... :( argh....

2010-07-26T01:24:00.002+08:00

This week hasn't exactly been my fav week...still lots of blah blah blah blah...(trails off)

But!!!! Hahahaha!!! Today made every single evil, stupid and immature thing tt happened worthwhile! 7 cute babies got baptised today lol!! Super cute! Ohoh! Met dramamamas!!! So so happy!!! Gabby Sar and birthday girl Erica looked awesome as usual! Went for a pretty good play with my crazy yr1s and hazwan nadeen and Julie!

But most of all!! Hehehe! Omg I'm so slow I swear! Anjana and nadeen are together!! Hehehe!!!! Omg!!! I'm so happy for them! So happy for anjana! Hahaha!!!! So cute so cute!!! Totally made my day! :) it makes everyone smile when they talk about it! Tts how you know a couple is gonna be real good together!! Hehehe! *insert huge gigantic enormous smile*

Hopefully I finish my work tomorrow!

Happy birthday Erica!!! Love your new hair cut!!

And thanks Jo and lav for everything you've done for me :) don't know what I'll do without you both!!

Oh and...btw I don't care... :)

2010-07-15T23:20:00.002+08:00

So i came to school early, only to find out my teacher cancelled the meeting. I sat in the library watching the coolest show ever BBT lol. Then went to go disturb WJ and Yanan! HAHAHA!

OMG they are such hilarious stupid asswipes LOL. Teasing me all the time! haha! but they love me so much its so cute...im so lucky to have them as friends! Helen got me an awesome present too! Two presents and both so so nice! Now i have a pig and a monkey! lol I love the pig so so much! And the stamps are so cool!! haha!

Another asswipe was napfa! LOL...everyone who passed me at the corridor wished me good luck haha! but i still failed...DUH! lol...Stupid standing broad jump and running haha! Im quite impressed i managed to do quite well for the rest of the stations haha kinda shocked myself that i can still do incline pull ups and sit ups haha!

cant wait to see my friends tomorrow! I am sure there are more gossip i have missed. Todays one probably topped all other gossips though but still im sure there is more! cant wait haha!

Cherish the friends who care and treat you well. Cherish the friends who are not two faced snakes and who dont lie and keep secrets from you or talk behind your back. Cherish the friends who love you and want to be with you and respect your presence. Cherish the friends who tells you that they honestly miss you and make an effort to meet you. Most of all...cherish the friends that would never ever betray you. :)

Stressed out about stupid things...so not worth it. nights bloggie. you make good boggie :)

2010-07-15T00:34:00.002+08:00

Today was so incredibly messed up. Messed up.
I hoped that things would have been different when i go to school. But ended up with more shit.
Whats worse i get your call at 11pm!? Argh. So contradicting!! Cant wait for all this to be over!

Anyways...I WATCHED TOYS STORY 3!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! cried so much!! and ended up having dreams about the toys i threw out haha! And had Ashtons with Gabs! HAHAHA!! So happy! She gave me a Paul Frank 2011 planner! hahaha! ITS SO CUTE! Its got a bunch of chinese stuff but its okay! Its still so lovely!

Made nat happy again...after talking to her for 3 hrs...Hahaha! she just refused to put down the phone...next time must put an alarm so she knows that its already 5am! hahaha!

Tomorrow is napfa...pfft...I shall erm...try my best...lol im freaking unfit lah! but yeah i shall just try my best hahaha! I seriously doubt i will pass anything haha! Cant wait to see Helen! And she got me a bday present too! hahaha!

Today Nodame Cantabile OPENS!! YAY!!! HAHAHAHA!!! IM SO HAPPY! I have no one to go with though :( Hanisah said she doesnt mind going with me! So maybe i will go with her!! hahaha!

Oh and yeah i just found out my dad is going to act as Moses with Gurmit Singh LOL...so funny! ....

Alright time to sleep! No more late nights with nat!! NO MORE....LOL...

2010-07-10T14:59:00.005+08:00

Come back to me.

OMG!!! I am such an ass!! Why do i always do things without thinking first!?

I screamed at my friends to shut up...because they were screaming their orders =.='''
They must be so so pissed at me now.... :( I hope they forgot about it or something...i felt like smsing them last night to apologise :( I should have...better go apologise to them tonight... :(

괜찮아 뭐 우리 관계 남은 정도 없는데
미안하단 말은 그만둬 어차피 가슴 안 아퍼
내 대신 좋은 남자친구가 돼줘

Anyways went home really happy last night haha! Musical was just awesome! Its a pity most of the actors wont be coming back to SA drama...They will always get an opportunity to act with terrence again im sure so its not loss for them :)

First time First time First love First love
사랑할 줄만 알았지 사랑을 잘 몰랐었지
So sick So sick So sick So sick
나를 떠나야만 했니

Trip to laselle was so fun! The after "party" lol was so so funny! and the trip back was just facinating haha! I got to know so much from somebody haha! such idiots the both of them! THE ULTIMATE WAS THAT AZIZI GOT A SEXY INDIAN/BANGLA GUY SLEEPING ON HIM HAHAHA!!! My mom asked me why i was so happy? LOL....It was a great great day for me! Just being in laselle...it was such an awesome feeling as always...besides the screaming shut up part and the guilt.

Oh girl, Cant you see im still loving you? My heart still can't seem to let you go

My grandma told me something this morning...I had no idea about it...my grandma felt so guilty that she spilled the news...I dont understand why my mom didnt tell me about it...Why she kept it a secret from me? I guess i just have to wait and see if my mom tells me anything...She must have her reasons....
I have the most amazing uncles in the world.

Things are different now
I really like you...can i just tell you that? pfft.

2010-07-08T01:21:00.003+08:00

I am so happy this is out! HAHAHAHA! Im such an idiotic fan girl! OMG so embarrassing but yeah...Its so so sweet and cute it makes me smile :)
Makes me happy. Make me think of you.... O.o...

The lyrics are just ...hehehe.....You make me smile. Im the happiest person alive because i have you! :) There is no one else like you. I hope you love this song as much as i do D.

2010-07-06T00:28:00.002+08:00

Today Leong lectured me. Said i was a bastard...and that he would have to complain to Mr Tan if i dont pull my weight. Hmmm...I really have no idea what to say. I have my reasons my excuses but I just agreed to everything he said because yes its true i didnt do anything i only did the last two sections which i caused him trouble for and it still had mistakes. So technically he did everything. So i deserve it if he complains about me. Hopefully i get an opportunity to show him that i can do this.

My year ones are so so cool lol! AND! They pulled off a play in a week! So proud of them! Wheee~!

I met Alsofiena, Alfiena and Alvinna today! hahaha! Youth day holiday haha! Their experience with the prataman at north canteen was HILARIOUS! It was so so fun! alfiena has a fiji instant camera!!! AHHH! she has a polaroid! She got it for her bday from her darling sisters! SO COOL! hahaha! I just started screaming away lol! We camwhored in the clubroom and stared at cute chinese guys HAHA! Oh and MOE is teaching stage directions to PRIMARY SCHOOL KIDS! lol! I loooove them!

Yes that was the highlight of my day! That and well there was something...or someone else...but hahaha! Nah...i shall just keep that to myself :)

No matter how much i just want to scream...I shall just keep thinking happy... :)

2010-07-04T02:56:00.003+08:00

hmmm...

Yesterday was just pissy again. Couldnt help but cry when i saw hanaffi. And argh. Came home at 2.30 am! I feel so pissed! I should have left early. Seriously its not the first time that bitch did this! Like wtf why is she so fucking irritating? Doesnt that bitch know how freaking fake she is? Doesnt she feel guilty for being so fucked up? Oh right everyone loves her so who cares...Bitch. I cant believe i fell for that stupid trap! I never fail to feel stupid around that bitch. She is such a big huge actress and one day people are going to see her true colours....oh right...that will be the day. Fuck that i can see right thru you, all your nonsense all your shit and it just makes me want to strangle you. Maybe thats why you hate me? Because you know I can see you for who you are. You cant hide from me. Comeon i know you know you are a fucking liar seeking for attention and loving the attention! Have you ever imagined your life without people thinking you are God? If you havent... which i doubt since its probably your biggest fear...think about it cause one day karma is going to get you. For now, fuck you.

Argentina lost. WTF. First Brazil. Now Argentina. And the Spain match is going nowhere.... :(

woah...

I got a nikon digi cam today woots :)

2010-06-30T03:47:00.003+08:00

I love talking to Nat i love her so much but i hate when she tells me her story.

She emailed angeline asking her why? and angeline replied about how they were worlds apart that nat did make her smile did make her happy did make her cry. but she just realised tt after everything they have nothing in common. and the reason why she got involved with nat was because she wanted the attention of a relationship she wanted someone to treat her good and love her and do sweet stuff for her which was what nat did for her wholeheartedly. Then when angeline realised that that was it. She found nat annoying and that things were different everything was wrong and she felt so guilty. She didnt want to continue anything with nat because she just didnt love nat anymore.

=.= ARGH! WTH. And nat replied to her saying thank you and she still misses her...OMG.
Nat talked to me about why first relationships hurt. Because of the physical contact. Because of the first kiss, the first long hug, the first i love you. The first person who you loved and actually even for just that bit did love you back.
She loved angeline more than her friends.

ARGH.Nat! You keep telling me you are over her!You keep saying that there is someone else out there for you! BUT you are not! Its 4.30! Spain has won! and yet you are still talking to me! ABOUT HER.

STOP MAKING ME CRY. Stop reminding me about disappointments and expectations.

sigh. I love you so much nat...you will find someone good for you someone who will appreciate your weirdness and awkwardness and stupidness and bullshit and flaws. I know it. Angeline was not the one. There will be someone who can love you despite whatever. You can be with someone you can proudly be with and boast that she is your girlfriend, you wished angeline was the one. You love seeing her happy. You hate seeing her sad. You still wish that she knew how fucking proud you were/are of her. You want to tell her that you still care but then you cant be there for her anymore. You are going to keep praying for her. Her hugs felt like home to you. When you see her, the outside world just falls into pieces. All you do is look into her eyes. All you feel is like telling her that you love her and you dont want to let her go. That it is so hard, that you cant. Angeline will always be your sunshine.

Yes when you are gone i will tell her how freaking important she was in your life. Stop crying about it please...she is an idiot not to know how much you put her first in your life! You cant tell her now but im sure she will find out hopefully not too late.

For now nat...its 5 am but I will stay on the line with you and listen to you till whenever you wanna stop talking which is not soon...but i dont care :)

2010-06-30T00:31:00.003+08:00

Up and Down.

If i ever had to look back on today it will bring up a love hate feeling.

Im glad today happened though...besides all the shit that happened. Japan tried their hardest. My dad actually entered ION for once, ignoring all his stupid comments and "the photo" is up HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Also hahaha my dad was hilarious irritating but hilarious.
There was this lesbian couple at the kuey chap store and woah the couple ate like three times we ate! CRAZY! Anyways my dad just had to ask pfft."who uses the rubber dick" then my mom and i gave him the eye roll and answered him "they use fingers".

Alrights got to go find out serving sizes of cheese and milk now...pfft.

Should i love someone from a far, no emotional baggage but all the benefits...? Hell yeah! :) hehe.

2010-06-28T23:16:00.002+08:00

I feel like having a big mac....

Put on my blue suede shoes
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
In the middle of the pouring rain

2010-06-28T18:03:00.002+08:00

I dont want to get a call saying sarah come home i need to vent, im feeling horrible and depressed i need someone to talk to.

Why cant i have a sibling who can just listen to her and maybe we can take turns or something....

but i dont. And im the only daughter. And i love my mom to the max.

Which brings me to my next issue. Why cant everyone else leave her freaking alone!! Pfft. My mom is one person she is not a superwoman. Get it in your thick skull that she is not there for you to put down or to make use off or to vent your own mood on!

Stupid people in this world! Argh!

2010-06-27T21:28:00.003+08:00

Brought Aunty Anne for her birthday dinner today. We only had foodcourt food and gave her a magnum, brought her to the coffee shop for a drink and then asked her if her sisters wished her yet.

She told us that none of her sisters wished her. In fact they never wish her, ever. All 6 of them :(. It just makes me wonder how can all 6 sisters be so close and leave 1 out. So terribly mean!

Aunty Anne got so depressed after that she didnt say anything. She left saying that she was going to dedicate a song to herself. =.="

I hope we gave her a good birthday :) Im glad she choose us to spend her birthday with her :)

Happy Birthday Aunty Anne! Thanks for always coming to our house to steal our food hehe. :)

2010-06-27T00:52:00.003+08:00

Mid life crisis makes my dad look pathetic but super cute but pathetic. Its like he pmses everyday. haha! He threatened not to eat dinner today lol! Cute right?!

I really hope my dad gets over this mid life crisis soon or i will seriously get super fat since im eating choc, cookies, popcorn and lots and lots of leftovers with my mom everynight.
Eating because you feel depressed just makes you more depressed LOL.

Hmmmm....maybe i can slip hormone pills into my dads morning coffee? LOL! Must tell my mom my plan! She will love it haha!

I love my moms eye roll. Hahaha! MEN MEN MEN....ai yoh...complex creatures.

Oh! and South Korea! :( Heechul and Ryeowook and Donghae were so excited for them :( hehehe....twitter allows me to stalk them so easily hehe.

2010-06-25T00:30:00.002+08:00

I knew it....blog you can say it. I told you so!

I just blogged about this.

I knew it was coming i knew things were gonna be this way.

How can i save myself when everyone has an impression of me they cant shake off.

I made mistakes, hopefully i can save myself.

My mouth is stupid, so am i.

I can do this. I can write the most incredible script to prove my worth and existence in this club. I and Wan will do this together!

I have been an asshole. Will try to stop being one. Give me another chance. Forget the past.

2010-06-24T12:34:00.002+08:00

i really shouldnt be blogging at a time like this! I need to rush to school! but heck it since i didnt get to post my awesome day!

Wheee! SO SO happy! STILL! I got to go see beast! and touch them! and smile at them and omg! just watch them dance live! they all looked so so good even though im not their biggest fan and i dont even know each of their names i dont even know ONE of their names but wth who cares i got to go see them and watch their autographed shirt and poster get auctioned for 390 dollars! siao!

I met a bunch of awesome girls! Super duper awesome! They were all so so nice! They tot Hazel and I were both 16 LOL! some tot we were 13 haha! It was like we were family because we had something major in common we all loved beast! Their songs are so so awesome the lyrics are so nice! Their songs actually make sense! haha!

I also met a butch who looked totally like Ari from the side! Hazel was trying to get a pic of her lol...but failed terribly! Hahaha! but Daphne took a photo of her and me so hopefully when she uploads it so Ari can see her look alike lol! Except her look a like looks like a 18 yr old but is 21!

Oh and i saw a she male! LOL it was definitely a girl! but poor her she had a face of a...oh wells :) She had a nice voice :)

Hazel is probably gonna skip school again to watch their showcase haha! lucky her finally got her tickets! So happy for her she was Fing Excited yesterday! she grabbed her biased till he said OUCH lol! crazy woman! She tot she might not be able to get tickets! :( But she is getting them! So woots :)

I met two big suju fans! haha! YAY! and one of them went to their showcase on June 6th! YAY!!! 6th!!! I love the 6th! Going to dream good dreams on all of the 6th! haha!
fan girl much?

Yay! I miss them friends already...see you all soon!

And yes Helen, who talked to me for 30 mins on the train! lol...They were super gorgeous in real life! Next year 5 languages will be printed on the train! HAHA!

Oh and I had mos burger! after hmmm....my last time was like march! Paramore day! haha! Mos is so so yummy! :)

2010-06-22T00:08:00.003+08:00

....kept telling myself to breathe in and out but it didnt work...my face still looked so f*cked up. I really didnt want to come across as angry...I just couldnt smile or have any other look than tired and pissed. They probably think im being soooo insensitive...

I could feel my whole face burning. Everytime i tried to act normal and smile it was so difficult.

I saw my mom and just broke down because i felt like shit. Every single emotion blown up. I just felt so depressed all of a sudden. So pissed that i couldnt control my stupid hormones. It just suddenly came like that at the worst timings! ALWAYS! SO ARGH!

She pulled me aside because she was embarrassed....then she started lecturing me...i dont care im just glad my mom was there. I felt so much better with her just being there. BUT

My mom...she had so much to complain to me about and all i wanted to say to her was shut up, shut up, i dont want to hear your problems i just need silence. She spoke things i would have usually laughed about and consoled her on but i couldnt even change my facial expression i just stared at her, stoned and wanting her to shut up.

My dad helped me with my emailling...and all i did was scream at him.

Now that i have cooled off....Stupid Me.

2010-06-21T02:01:00.003+08:00

Hmmmm...my com was on screensaver and so i reached out for a random letter without even looking and typed "k" Hmmm....

SO scary i was just telling God to punish some people for hurting me...cuz its just not fair....and i typed k...is God agreeing with me? freaky...i take back everything! i just want to get rid of these stupid emotions and be a stone hearted bitch. Maybe i will be liked more that way?

lol from blind leading the blind....
the reason it’s ‘i COULDN’T care less’, is because you care soooo little- you couldn’t possibly care any less than you already do! that’s how LITTLE you care!

2010-06-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

Congrats kelvin and eswari!! omg kelvin is married! like finally lol!
I can't believe you never told her I love you till your wedding! lol...so romantic! okok!!! *wipes tears*
my night was full of dancing to immortal old tunes! listening to kelvin rock out on stage with sweet child of mine! and just fun and drama! haha!
but WOAH! I swear my family is scary...im so glad no one came to my table to beat us up! *phew* everyone knew who we were by the end of the night! the ever famous table 16!! bleh...so embarrassing...
I talked to the cute photographer!!! *faints* he told me he has a tattoo on his arm...hmmmm....sexy much? lol...okok enough about cute chinese boys...although there were many...and...haha!
Hmmm...sometimes I wonder how we managed to finish all tt beer though! sorry kelvin you should know tt we are indians :) lol...
went to USS after! Big Easy was pretty! a whole Hershey land!! come on! just got home! feet is killing the nightlights out of me! I have never felt so good to be on my bed! Better than how I felt after the sleep inducing match last night! :) LOL england seriously...speechless oh wells they helped me sleep :) nights bloggie.

2010-06-19T00:46:00.003+08:00

So this mother has been having an affair for a while now and have not yet been caught but this time her husband suspected something was going on so he decided to come home early.

She quickly rushed her lover into the closet, naked and scared, he realised that he wasnt alone in the closet. Her young son was also there hiding in the dark.

The boy turns to the lover and threatens him "If you do not buy my football for 250 dollars I will tell my dad about you". At first the lover refused but realised he had no other choice and so the lover gave the boy 250 dollars.

The next time the lover was thrown in the closet, the kid made him pay 750 dollars for his old pair of football boots.

Feeling angry and used, the lover left the house the second time hoping to never meet that mini extortionist again.

One sunday morning the boys father tells him to get his football gear ready, his boots and the football, that they were gonna play football. The boy later informs the father that he has sold his gear to a friend and gained 1000 dollars from the sale. His father was shocked by this and told his son that it was wrong to extort money esp for used items! His father then brought the boy to church to make a confession.

The boy innocently walks into the confessional box. As he sat down the priest spoke to him "There is no way you are taking any money from me today! You are in my closet now boy"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOL i tot it was funny as hell. Had to share it! I love all these jokes about priests or nuns or monks and what not!...always super funny!

2010-06-18T21:47:00.003+08:00

Thank you... you made my mind up for me
When you started to ignore me
Do you see a single tear
It isn't gonna happen here

OMG B2ST is on the 23th! WEDNESDAY! 7pm!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I FEEL SO STUPID! How can i miss that part! i tot i saw saturday!!!!!!

So anyways wedding tomorrow woots....dad is complaining that i love my lappy more than him because i dont eat bak kwa with him. Ex drama head wants to talk to me and wan...awesome. and my teacher says that we cant get A for FYP. FML.

On the brightside! I watched UP!!! YAYAYAYAYAY! FINALLY! Its been striked off the I NEED TO WATCH list! YAY! Cried my eyes out and puked out all my dinner...but then again thats just me! hehe. Next is.... :)

2010-06-15T16:38:00.003+08:00

I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me.
The words began stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

and as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife
all the sweet things that she can find
all the sweet things they can find

Sad songs day! plus a whole plate of strawberries BIG BIG LOVELY PLATE!!!!! And 6-30 to 9 with drama-mama's hahaha our lives are seriously all so drama man! STUPID MEN!Flying fries! oh and "Can i have a GLBT sandwhich pls? parmesan bread thank you!" hahahaha! Cant wait for tomorrow night :)

AND ARGH!!!! B2ST!!! Am i being stupid? 55 dollars to Hi-5 them? I really want to see them though.... :( I feel so stupid....but its B2ST its the band that keeps me high and has the greatest and sadest and most inspirational lyrics....and the coolest dance moves! argh! Stupid fan girl in me! :(

2010-06-14T23:22:00.002+08:00

Woke up, school, home, sleep, woke up, irritating customer service, durian, sleep.

no italy tonight. way too sick for them...

gotta meet leong again 2morrow...Dr henry hasnt even replied...hmmm...its gonna be another one hour of school and explaning to leong what android and OS means? hahaha! I cant believe i know more bullshit than he does lol!!

OH and more funny shit happened today! gosh! Made my monday awesome!! Simple pleasures :D

And MY MOTHER! Argh. my mom almost fainted!! Pfft. she is so stubborn sometimes....she just doesnt want to listen to me...Always so calm and collected and weak..........getting weaker.... SO yeah!
Besides the fact that my mom freaked my aunt out telling my aunt that she has to get a sunat cuz she converted HAHAHAHA!!! SHe totally panicked! Oh and my godma calling my mom up to ask how i am because im not online anymore...LOL! my godma stalks me... and stephan the assasin who chased the OGL around with a pail of water....erm yeah the rest of the days happenings...too much to type... :)

meeting dramamamas tomorrow! WHEEE. And my grandma has like 5 cans of skol in the freezer...damn...if only i could just take one from her O.o.

I wonder if i can just be a couch potato by profession? :D

2010-06-14T02:51:00.003+08:00

Pig-rabbit, I love you. I will always love you. I gave you your first kiss, i gave you my first love, i gave you my entire heart. I figured i had nothing to loose. But while we where playing catching you went through that hollow log and came out on the other side only to find that other person and falling in love with that other person. You never turned back, you never came back. All i could do was to stand, crying, hurting, watching from the other side....watching my heart get pulled apart, watching you give your smiles and happiness to...someone else.

While i was watching you, all you saw was my shadow. You couldnt see my feelings because my shadow hid it well....

my hurting heart is cursing. noona, only you can stop these tears...

noona, all that i need is your love.

noona, dont love that other person...love me. love only me.

noona, I love you. saranghaeyo.
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Ai yoh....why do i keep torturing myself by watching these stupid dramas! Oppa dont cry, when i see you cry, when i see you hurting....it makes me cry...then i feel stupid for crying. DONT PLS. Noona! I blame you! I blame you for all the hurt :(
3 more episodes...and NO MORE!

YAY germany 2 goals lol lol! Hmmmmm....maybe if germany wins...I might get to finally see the NTU german club president or like frau soebekti calls him "superman" in person! hehehe. I missed my chance when i wasnt around during open house...:(

Oh and Fiona! hahaha! i forgot to shout out to you and Him Gee!
Fiona and Him Gee! Congrats! Happy living together!! hahaha! :) See you both soon in 3 months!...waiting for the pictures haha! long wait i know...but i will still wait :) I am, i will always wait. :D

2010-06-13T01:55:00.004+08:00

A score in like the 3rd min lol...shiok! haha!

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

This week reminded me of all my bad decisions. The last time i posted this song was the time i made the biggest mistakes of my life. I decided love wasnt meant to be. I decided to let it go and i decided to be part of the other love of my life.

Both decisions didnt come out so well. In the end i succumbed to love and i finally decided that if i were to be drama head it would be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I know im irritating everyone around me. Its not easy to stop being irritating when i dont know why i am irritating. Tell me why so i can change, so i can stop whatever that is making you angry or irritated. Dont expect me to just know whats going on. I dont have six sense...At least just tell it in my face "you are irritating me pls go away". I feel like screaming it out loud at your face. Im just so angry with you torturing me like this. Its stupid and its petty and i have been trying to ignore it for the longest time.
I cant quit, i cant leave, i cant give up what can i do then?
I love acting. Then why do i feel like drama was the biggest mistake of my life.

Dear friends,
Im sorry if i have not been going out with you guys. Im sorry if you hate me. I had drama.

Dear mommy and daddy,
Im sorry for the late nights, im sorry for making both of you argue over me and mummy im sorry that daddy always blames you for everything i do wrong and making you cry. I have drama.

Dear heart,
Im sorry that i put you through so much pain, making you break into a million pieces and putting you back together only to make you break apart again. I live in drama.

O.o US scored...fml

England forever...raises all our hopes then *insert sound of waterfalls*. :(

Anyways...back to my dramatic gleeful life...how facinating :)
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart.
I made those decisions, i am going to stick with them. Im just going to continue ignoring everything.
Im just not that girl.

2010-06-12T13:52:00.003+08:00

There is so much to say. So much that kills me inside. Good Luck. Have Fun. Enjoy your pretentious life. Maybe the others dont see it, but you are a bitch and you know it. Thanks im glad i found it out the hard way.

2010-06-10T01:06:00.003+08:00

Dont tell me. I dont want to hear that we are meant for each other, that we will be together forever, i make you smile, you can be who you really are around me. Dont talk to me about marriage and adopting kids...(so stupid come on baby?)Please...i dont want you...im sorry...ive had enough of being used. I dont want to be used by you too, you still love her its so obvious. You say she doesnt want you that you have moved on...I love you too much to know that its all a lie. So pls stop telling me lies...stop calling me in the middle of the night to talk. I dont want to talk to you. Stop texting me. I dont want to reply you. Stop treating me like your disposable girlfriend. Stop asking me out when your intention is to just make your ex jealous...

Find someone else to mindfuck please :)

2010-06-08T23:37:00.002+08:00

Ku akan selalu mencintaimu
Walau kita tak mungkin bersama
Meski berat melepasmu
Tapi kamu akan selalu dihatiku selamanya

H showed me this sms A sent him today...lol couldnt stop smilling it was so so sweet...lol they are so sweet hehehe H was like smilling to himself non stop haha! perfect example of aml!

Had the weirdest day with H1 H2 and A...it sucks to be in the middle...of THREE people... :( Hopefully i dont get hated...by anyone of them :( I really dont want to take sides :( fml.

mid life crisis is really taking its toll....

maaf aku, maaf
ku yang tak pahami semua inginmu
maaf aku ku yang tak mampu
iyakan terus maumu

2010-06-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

they both are arguing again... :(

2010-05-31T00:13:00.003+08:00

Finally watched Ironman! HAHA! It was so....hahaha! I really dont know what to say...it was good and bad at some parts...Tony Stark is so totally not that egoistic lol...They made a hero look pathetic now that i really have to give the director thumbs up for ...finally a hero that cant save himself then throws himself to a wave of self destruction:)

BUT they used Captain America's shield as a prop! pfft. Tony Stark was CA best friend! CA gave him everything when he died! TS killed Captain America! And he used Captain America's shield! Like it meant nothing! This is an outrage im damn pissed....so many things that made me just LMAO. The cliche bits like the villian walking out of the fire...blah blah...HAHAHA!!
but then again the special effects was like totally awesome...NO DENYING everything was so so COOL LAH!!!!
The dialogue was so hilarious! Very well written witty and refreshing. The actors did a great job...although i think Samuel L Jackson could have been of better use...but yeah enjoyed myself :)

Some kid in the theater went "woah his house is so nice" or something close to that! hahaha! I just burst out laughing haha! so adorable.

2010-05-30T20:30:00.005+08:00

Kang Shin Woo oppa i know how you feel...If you cant hug or hold her when she cries. Watching someone else hug and hold her instead. If you cant kiss her its okay because you happy to just be able to pat her head and to see her smile...She doesnt and wont fall for you...you know that... :( she is in love with Hwang Tae Kyung oppa! Why are you wasting your time...and making me cry so much for you!
....Jung Yong Hwa oppa you can pat my head anytime!!! *cry*
Okay i admit im officailly you're beautiful crazy.

drink drank drunk. I feel so stupid for drinking so much...drinking on an empty stomach...coming home drunk...coming home with the most horrible headache and waking up feeling so so sleepy...being stopped by the police...puking so so much. Stupid me. I feel worse than before... What was i thinking wanting to get so wasted. And for what? Drown everything? How can i make something that gets worse everyday disappear? All i did was drown myself in puke. Stupid me.

At least i slept last night. Without thinking about anything.

2010-05-29T00:40:00.002+08:00

Wah it really just hit me as i was thinking of what to write for you...I really really am going to miss you...Argh!!! You are going to fly to some far away place!!! and meet far away people!! and of course buy me things from that far away land!!! You are going to have so much fun! and leave me here...in stupid singapore! You are going to shop shop shop!! Hahaha!! I bet you and your mom will go crazy! haha!

Bleh...till you come back from the far away place im really going to be damn sad...I wont be able to see you on facebook! or online!! for so long!! Work is gonna suck without your text messages!! Ai yoh!! Dont go pls!!

okok....im going to continue to write you that special something :) I hope you like what i write lol!! Its going to be damn funny! read it when your legs get numb on the plane or or!! if you have to shit on the plane! LOL! Shut up! I know its a short journey...hehehe! I just hope you will love it :)! DONT READ TILL YOU GET ON THE PLANE! hehehe!!

Someone once told me its good to have someone to miss because then you know how important that person is to you! Hehe!! Come back fast lover!!! Enjoy yourself!! Please dont get lost! :( hahaha!! Luv you lots!

2010-05-26T23:01:00.002+08:00

...theres no point to live anymore...Why the f*ck should i care about the world...Just argh! i just wanna get out of this bullcrap that i totally do not deserve i dont freaking hell deserve all this shit! I dont! I couldnt even clear my head for drama...argh! I FEEL SO DEAD! MY BRAINS ARE LIKE F*CKED! Why me! Why am i the one who gets all the shit?! ALL THE TIME! Do i look like a shit magnet? Does it say on my forehead shit please come to me?! Just f*ck and leave me. Just use me USE ME! Take my soul take everything from me! and then forget all about me? Treat me like im nothing...like i did freaking nothing! All the sacrifices i made!! All the weight im loosing is because of this! And what do i get out of it all...? MORE PAIN! MORE SHIT. F*ck this world! Its so so unfair!

Everything coming at me at once...i feel like a walking zombie who needs to make herself happy or she would drive herself mad...maybe im already mad?

I just wanna go somewhere and scream my lungs out...but i have nothing to scream...i have no more motivation...i just wanna sleep and sleep. All i can do is pray....

2010-05-24T00:43:00.004+08:00

Woah was watching this vid...the comments are EPIC mean man! Sandara so shouldnt be hated because she is not from korea...this is mean...!! "Sandara Fuck is a fuckin Filipino dwarf from cursed islands." Woah! I seriously think korean people are freaking mental sometimes....Gosh! I hope they dont kill her... :(

Anyways i still love how korea does their adverts man! SG should so do the same! Have a 6 mins advert! LOL! awesome.

2010-05-23T23:16:00.002+08:00

SO! I just realised AHHHHH!!! i need a new schedule book! Because of some people....i agreed to it anyways...milo spilled in my bag! and now everything has milo stains! and my spongebob schedule book has a really stinky rotting milky smell eeeewww yucks!

Anyways not impt. My godmother revealed to my mom today that she reads my 16 yr old cuz smses...
firstly i think thats like equal to reading a diary! It EVIL! Secondly...thank God my mom has no idea how to use my phone! anyways i was so surprised by what she said...

She told my mom that one of the smses spoke about his ex, he told his friend "i never knew how much i needed her in my life till she was gone, she wants me to change but how am i to change when i dont know what is the problem, i really love her so much." The girl is still in contact with him, telling him that she still loves and stuff. His friends tell him to get over her cuz she is being to demanding...

I was like Woah! You are only 16 dude and you are talking about love...and all that shit...poor guy...no wonder he looked so troubled. He even told me that he was never gonna get into a relationship again...I really wish i could talk to him...but he is never gonna come to me for help...so i hope whoever he goes too helps him. I hope he doesnt take drugs...i dont trust st pats boys :(

Alrights life lesson that i learnt today, im probably not gonna make sense again but here goes.

There are four phases that we go through in life. However we have a choice to stop at 2 and we never get to see the beauty of 3 and 4.

1) ignorance 2) Resentment 3) Acceptance

We all go through this phase of which we are naive and blur...we follow blindly and dont notice the cracks or the problems.
Then time passes...ours eyes are opened up. Knowledge seeps in. Suddenly everything becomes clear like in our faces clear and so we resent. We prove our worth we stand strong, we rebel...we realise that its all bullshit! We are going to fight against it!
However after fighting so hard it gets tiring...Its like a lobster trying to crawl out of a hot pot...it can struggle all it wants to but its still gonna get cooked...We too realise that its either struggle and fight for the rest of our lives and live in the pain and sadness or we learn to accept, harden our hearts and accept things for what they are.

Once we have done that, then only we can continue to the 4th stage.

4) Growth.

All our lessons learnt helps us to appreciate things better. We just continue learning and growing into better people.

Just like life we have four stages we have to go through in life when it comes to technology. Same thing :)

blog->facebook->twitter->tumblr

We are naive...start out with a blog...we find out there is facebook! and so we go straight to facebook! Then facebook makes all these privacy changes...we resent and rebel! either we stop at facebook and give up or we accept and settle for twitter! Once we have twittered we move to tumblr.

We will naturally appreaciate tumblr more because of all the struggles we go through with blogspot, facebook, and twitter...there is just no turning back... :)

2010-05-23T02:15:00.001+08:00

I have been staring at this page for the longest time now...i have so much to write but everytime i start i backspace it all back. I guess i should start writing now since its already 2.15am. I have to start writing...or should i just leave it blank.

Out of everything that happened today...i think im gonna write about what has been bothering me for so so long.

Who am i??? I have changed so much i dont recognise myself anymore. Who i used to be. Who i really miss.

I got smses from my lovers today and they reminded me who i was. Who sarah jane was to them.

To them I am this...(beware it may sound cocky hahahaha!)

Strong selfless confident awesome crazy as hell person that knew fully well that maths was EVIL! I am that weird and blur girl who always sits at the back of class and sleeps. I am that random girl who reads random facts and tell them all in class and gets my friends to laugh so hard the teacher sends them out of class. I am that girl who love Shakespear and romance and everything mystery. I watch horror DVDs so i could have an excuse to bring my blanket out to the couch. I am the girl who reads between the lines. I am that girl who doesnt give a shit if you are mean to me. I understand every little riddle. I am the girl who always has to explain the story after the movie ends. I am the girl who gets laughed at for doing stupid things. I am that girl who never wanted attention but just wanted to be accepted. I am that girl who knew nothing, always asking "where is that place?" "what is that?".
I am the girl who always failed malay and when i pass i would go scream. I am that girl who got a song created for her on her bday...even though every present i got was obviously not planned. HAHA! I am that girl who gets teased at every outing but just laughs it off. I am that girl they never think to throw into the pool. I am that girl they always forget to invite and it never bothered me. I am that girl who never cried because i lost something...because i knew whatever that was important in my life...i was never going to lose it. I havent. I AM ME! The girl with three names! ...someone who is mentally unstable and fun and super dirty minded and always made people irritated hahaha! I am the girl who HATES Vitagen.

WE ARE just a bunch of crazy baboons. The world is our forest...no matter how weird that sounds hahaha! I really really miss you guys so so much. I hate this world i am in right now. I just wanna be me again...!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Things change...

Now i dont know what i am anymore.

Wow 3.10am superb.

2010-05-22T02:27:00.004+08:00

All in good time...all in good time...

Time passes so fast...it was so slow at first but then when you look back you realise WOW. Time is an odd thing. Someone once told me in relationships, space doesnt make the heart fonder it makes the heart wonder. They say time helps to forget, to heal to grow. Its not true. Time just gives everyone an excuse. A way out to telling themselves that the hurt will go away eventually. We just have to wait for the right moment. Well waiting is painful and waiting is time. Ironic.

Time allows you to change, to be a different person. It never said time will help you be a BETTER person.
Money is not the root of all evil. Its time. We depend so much on time...we dont realise it.
Time passes by too fast, my pencil is close to its end, soon time will take it away.

Time is not going to help anyone. Its only ourselves that we must depend on. Only when we let go on our dependence of time will we learn to be free. Free to be happy.

And again i dont make sense.

2010-05-21T01:10:00.002+08:00

so confused....seriously dont know how to feel right now...cant seem to go sleep....cant seem to stop thinking....

2010-05-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

I tried my best, so dont go all bitchy on me lah...im not good i know...im really doing my absolute best. I know you have something against me...im sorry i told you off that day....but i really needed to tell you off. I just need all the support i can get and you are not helping me at all by laughing and not helping out with anything, telling others that you dont wanna come cuz im bitchy? Dude...i so wasnt bitchy, you havent seen me bitchy lah okay...and disturbing the session...its just so immature. So just man up and stop it. Please....

hmmm....coming home early helped a lot. Now i need to get off the com. -.-"

2010-05-19T00:10:00.004+08:00

You came like a thief and stole my heart. ITADETWABSETLG.

I have another drama session 2morrow. :( need ideas...
Jo and Carol and HT gave me this game with chairs...LOL took them the whole walk from united square to the MRT to explain to me the game...and i still didnt get it! LOL i swear im just a huge embarrassment!

And they kept laughing at me........! Chicken rice was shiokness!! Lav kept screaming hokien vulgarities hahahah!! I swear the shop name sounds like a vulgarity! Wan Naa Kee... HAHAHA!
B&J was awesome as usual! HT promised to bring me to Udders! So i have two promises now! Manhattan fish market with Gabs and Udders with HT :)

soooo sleeepy now....BUT TOO HAPPY!!!! All good things happening around me :) HAHAHAHA!!!! Feeling awesome!

baby...cant you see what is happening to you? loooove alphabeat! hehe.

2010-05-18T01:13:00.003+08:00

You turn me upside down whenever you are around....

2010-05-16T23:53:00.001+08:00

a whole nights talk about demonic possesions and exorcisms and miracles..... seriously dont know if i can sleep tonight.

2010-05-16T01:14:00.003+08:00

You seem to be confused the boy is mine.
Im feeling so so cheated!

Its not fair!!! omg omg omg!!! NO WAY!! ITS SO SO NOT FAIR! WHY!!!!
I really thought damon and elena would get together!!! and when they kissed i tot to myself YESSSSAAAAAHHHHH FINALLY! like the other guy gets that perfect girl! The whole world is alright again! Like the other guy soooooo deserves the girl anyway! He is so imperfect that its perfect....SWOOONSSSS
LOL!!!! pfft. then elena turns out to be katherine doubling as elena....WONDERFUL! Life sucks! :)

Hehehehe had the most amazing bus ride today! I had to wait for 20 mins for the bus...BUT the route was just awesome! It was all huge houses and pretty condos....and when the houses are lighted up you can see IN lol! The houses were so pretty! some were freaky as hell! LOL but it was so so nice!!! i couldnt choose which side to stare at the left or the right so i kept turning my head back and forth! lol okok i know im an idiot. Hahahaha! but i love bus rides hehehe.

Plaza Sing was AWESOME. I got 2 pretty fans from daiso! Added a whole lot of calories from eating a whole slice of choc indulgence! I saw many cuuuuutttteeee pig keychains that i HAVE to buy! Piggy Piggy!!! im coming for you!! pink little cute thing-a-lings hehe...
I saw Incredible headphones and earphones that just made me so high i think i scared 10 off lol!!! AHHHHH!!! im gonna get new earphones!! I saw this lovely purple ones!!! IM GETTING IT!!! i have too!!! piglet and earphones...and maybe a lunch box for added bonus! lol oh oh!! and a new dress for symphonia! :) new heels tooo....hmmmm....

HAHAHAHAHAHA 2morrow i have to go for mpc and meet derrick(who i doubt will come)...cuz my mom says that i should be a good girl...oh oh and that "he is a really nice guy always follows his parents to mpc" Ai yoh....wait till i get derrick to show her the hot sexy girls he has been dating...then maybe my mom will change her mind! lol!! "sarah... ruben and rainer also will be there" I hate it when she brings up the guys....i feel like telling her "mom this dudes and i used to play football, barbie dolls, catch spiders and play hide and seek in empty classrooms together...(omg i rmb there was once we tied a handkerchief to the flagpole and raise it up!!! LOL!! omg loooong time ago!) there is no way we will ever get together!" But nah...i shall be a good girl and follow them to mpc...have a good lunch as they promised and go for prayers...again...at night :) and fall asleep again...HAHA!

My godma is out at some tai tai resort at ecp...i shall ask her what its like tomorrow cant wait :)

All i want is jesse's girl.

2010-05-15T13:38:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was the shittiest day ever...Lack of sleep + Horrible day at work + nightmarish porn from H + "Other" things. hmmmm....its no more a "why do i even bother" I think since its been so long...and i understand things now( I think i do...)
...it becomes more of "oh okay it happened again...okay then...i understand :)" Keep smilling :)

Im so happy i got to sleeep today!!! My mom woke me up at 10.30 and told me it was already 12...LOL.
She thinks im stupid but i know her tricks! pfft. So i just went back to sleeeep. Then she played all her fav songs out loud...Alias, alan parsons project, eddie money, the bangles, the osmonds, the roxette! Bleh...She and my grandma were shouting at each other again...just their normal morning conversations...
So when i finally woke up at 12. (Im very proud of myself by the way HAHAHA!)
I was interrogated by the two. They asked how i could sleep with the music playing out loud?? Bitches really...so i named all the songs that were playing, the name of the band and tittle and even sang the some of the lyrics to them. LOL. Then i got scolded cause if i could hear and remember the songs which naturally meant i was wide awake....LOL! So evil lah the both of them hmph! I shall invest in ear plugs next time.

Going to meet 10 soon! Going to have CAKE at PS!
Hehehe...she will do all the talking and i will do all the listening as usual...i like...hehe :) I honestly cant wait to hear her voice and see her smile :)

Suddenly Its Clear.

2010-05-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

Tired. Honestly enough is enough. Stop it already. Im not your punching bag. I have my limits.

Leave me the hell alone. Just leave me alone!

2010-05-13T17:23:00.001+08:00

im scared of you, and scared for you.

2010-05-13T16:08:00.004+08:00

HAHAHA!!! just made my day!

2010-05-12T00:31:00.003+08:00

I got my MC...phew...i tot i would never to be able to leave home.

I LOVE SLEEP. I WISH I CAN SLEEP FOR 12 HRS A DAY :)

Met up with my peeps today! Had so much fun!! Im so happy! Took my mind of things!

But came home and have to face reality again...ai yah...sighs...why is life so freaking irritating. I just want to rewind, cut and delete. JUST WANT TO DELETE EVERYTHING. Maybe that way...

oh wells.

2010-05-11T00:50:00.005+08:00

Vomit vomit vomit. It never ends.
I have no idea what's wrong with me.....I'm so scared I don't know why I can't sleep I can't eat....I can barely breathe. I cold sweat. My head feels so light, it's spinning........ it's like I'm about to pass out soon but I can't seem to lie down without feeling like puking. so I just cry.

Anyways pls don't hate me for doing this.... I know you hate it when i do this. But i just wanna say I really love you... I luv luv luv you!!! I know you are hurting inside. I know tt something or someone is hurting you but you don't want to admit it. I know you have so much to say! So do I! You mean the whole world to me! I never got the chance to tell you this but after today, I realised how impt you are in my poly life! I just wanna say I'm sorry for doing everything wrong...Or not good enough for you. All the time...although I still don't know what I do to make you so pissed with me....I won't do it anymore, I will change everything. Become someone more mature and less me...I really miss you so much....All I need is you to make me laugh and all your naggings! I miss your naggings!! I really cannot survive this world without you! Thanks for everything! Thanks for always being there for me when I needed you! See you this sat! :) make sure you put your Etbr away :)

2010-05-09T23:11:00.002+08:00

I hate how I'm feeling so lost.....I have so much to do.... I can't believe I didn't see the email....

Got nagged by my mom on mothers day :( She was so pissed with me. She became so emotional only because she wanted to watch football so badly today which is technically her birthday and after trying everything our only option was to watch the match at some cofeeshop or something and my dad refused. She is so dissapointed. :( I too am disappointed... I was so excited asking gabby stuff and everything.

I hate being all excited about something and then it doesn't go the way you tot it would...Especially how hard I worked for it... Bringing the tv from the room blah blah..... Feeling sucks. Oh wells....I lost 3 kg from all the vomitting :) yay:)

2010-05-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

Down to the last.

2010-05-08T00:49:00.002+08:00

one. one. one.

Way too much for me to handle. Im one person, im not superhuman. I have feelings. My heart feels so heavy and painful. Im getting the strongest urge to cry. I just cant handle anymore.

I hate you.

And why is there another dude? Why didnt you tell me there was someone else?! Why didnt you say that there was a third party!! I am so angry with you!
There is always another dude...
If you are reading this. And you will. Move on. I dont want to nag. No matter how hard it is you have too. Its not that difficult once you come to realise it just wasnt meant to be. Stop the drinking the smoking and the gaming. I know she was amazing. I know you felt she was the one. She doesnt deserve you, throwing hints and all that... making you fall so deeply for her. Its bitchy and not worth it. Dont wait for her. There is just no point waiting. She clearly doesnt want you back. Stop telling me that you are going to wait. She is older anyways so thats why she probably went for the older one. More stable, more mature...i really dont know but girls are like that. Pls for everyones sake stop pining over her pls...It hurts every single one of us to see you like this. I need you back dude. We need you back! We know you can do this without hurting yourself. Pls just try.

Too much going on.

2010-05-07T00:35:00.000+08:00

hehehe. walked into seoul garden and the first thing I saw was sarah making out with her bf...lol....had to wait till they were done before I could pretend tt I didn't see them and wave lol! they left after lol....so funny!!!

incredible night. can't wait for 2morrow and next tues!!!

2010-05-06T16:57:00.001+08:00

i know now.

2010-05-05T16:45:00.000+08:00

May the 4th be with you LOL! One day too late damn.

2010-05-05T16:27:00.000+08:00

LOL!

2010-05-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

Tired. Brain Dead.

2010-05-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

My Awesome Life.

2010-05-04T16:35:00.001+08:00

i dont have to complain anymore, because whatever i used to complain about is not in my life anymore :) HAHAHAHA!!!

2010-05-03T22:14:00.000+08:00

sick.

2010-05-03T00:27:00.002+08:00

i need to stop.

2010-05-01T22:58:00.002+08:00

finally finished with all ten eps!

i laughed cried laughed and cried again.

it was all worth it.

the last and first kiss was epic.

soooooo nice :)

2010-05-01T01:44:00.000+08:00

just finished my cup of cofee....now feeling super sleeeeppppyyyy...yawns. had a very very very tiring and irritating day at work. my mom is sick so my parents cancelled their plans....and my hair got burnt by....pfft. nadeen. took a lighter at lit my hair. and he tot it was funny. argh my scalp hurts now...its probably burnt too! argh my hair just dropped off in pieces! and you ask why im overreacting?? duh nadeen... cuz I was in pain! and you bloody burnt my hair! and you made me cry at auditions...I mean for fishcurry sake! I lost my phone stop being so bloody insensitive!!! argh! thank you HG, A and H for listening to my rants :) so yeah tts my day :)wheeeee now having a really bad tummy ache...must be all the negative energy...nights

2010-04-29T00:23:00.002+08:00

So tired! managed to nap at work...and drooled all over my jacket hahaha!!

GC meeting was fruitful. Too much chinese though! Rehearsals was so so fun! I loved dancing with them hahaha!! Cant wait to get everything properly rehearsed! hmmm....Azizi fell asleep and teared while asleep haha! He even had one eye closed and one eye half opened hahaha!
Nadeen kept disturbing me pfft. Took my EZ link card from me!!! Had to beg him for it back! argh.

A and H and I sat down at macs and ate cinnamon melts! H told me something that made me really really really sad, and dissapointed with myself but they were just so so sweet lah and i just talked and talked. I feel so evil now. I dont let them both talk at all. They were so sweet they just listened to me. Didnt even say anything but just listened....lol.

I love you both so so much! Thank You so much for listening to me rant!!!! I always have things to rant about so sorry! I will TRY not to rant next time lol!!! :) Whatever you both told me today, all the pinching, trust me i will listen to you both :) Thank You!

2010-04-27T17:09:00.003+08:00

Kelly Clarkson is performing today!! (brings back memories of something i want to forget) HEHEHE...I cant believe i have friends who are going! hahaha! but i guess she is a good singer! HAHAHA cant wait to watch the vids when people start uploading...i guess its quite cool that kelly clarkson is in sg....hmmmm...who knows who else will come down to SG!! *dreams*

I am so happy today! I spent a half the day of talking about bands and new music with my colleague! HAHAHA! And laughing at all the weird band names! HAHAHA!! OMG its like so cool to be back! all the old bands i listen to still tour! omg how awesome is that! Alkaline Trio!! lol!!

Read SMBC and xkcd and visited oatmeal.com for a little more entertainment hehehe!!! LOVED every minute of it! Made me laugh so much! funny funny day!

YAY! another 10 mins till im out of the office! Gonna see my mom! She is probably gonna sit me down and make her problems into my problem...but its okay whatever makes her happy :) then my dad will pick me up! and drop me off at school! of which i predict erm lots might happen.

Not liking the weekend at all...was supposed to go out with jo and lav this friday but i stupidly forgot all about auditions! It will be fun! buuuuutttt.....i promised them. I really did....I cant believe i was so dumb as to forget something so impt.

However its confirmed!!! YAY parents will definitely be away for the weekend! Cant wait to spend the whole day glued to the TV set! and eating microwave popcorn! Technically i wont be alone...cuz my grandma is still around...but who cares! its still just me and the TV! WHOOTS!

cant wait to get to school....... :)

2010-04-26T23:36:00.002+08:00

OKAY i really need to sleep! the headache, vomitting and other stuff are so signs that says i need to sleep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gyo9dA_05og&feature=related
love this vid....looks damn cool.

Okay....so yeah....2pm has a new vid!!!! wheee but bleh...yes HY! not so good lah...song was okay dance was okay....but i guess its the new style...so it was nice :)
again and again and i hate you will always be my fav!

jay...come back.

2010-04-26T09:56:00.002+08:00

I hate how pms makes me think differently....told people too many things that i cant take back....but hmmmmm.... Im sorry....Its just my feelings...im really sorry, i didnt mean to hurt you...but im hurt too.

Its the new week! Im going to try to start a new today! And nothing is going to stop me. I have finally settled everything that has been going on...settled everything that has been pissing me off so bad :) Wheeee! so Its time to start a fresh!
Meeting Jo and Lav on friday! Probably going to drink! Muahaha! Parents going away for the weekend! its going to be a good week :)
Time heals everything :)!

misery loves me...

2010-04-25T00:02:00.002+08:00

So yesterday was totally miserable again....I lost my earpiece I feel so so so down and incomplete!! Alrightsand my pms made me feel so emotional....I cried and laughed out loud while reading my story book at the hospital pharmacy and people just stared! But I couldn't control myself.
But I met an eight year old girl, after a sad horrible dinner, she was so cute! And she talked so much! So adorable! Made me feel good cuz for the whole day I kept talking non stop! I even moved my office computer around cuz I felt uncomfortable....hahahaha! I feel like I am not myself but somehow still so myself! Hmmmmmm.......oh right today!

I loved today! Loved it so much! Met azizi and went to school with him! Hilarious! Went out for lunch! We ate so much at fish and co! All of us felt like puking hahaha!! We celebrated azizi's birthday! Lol! He was so expecting it hahaha! But it was still so hilarious! Got it all on video! Lol but I didn't record the cute Malay gay waiter!!! So disappointed! Pfft. Lol!!! Hmmmmmmmoh yeah the songs at fish and co was all love or breakup songs! Lol! All four of us Just kept emoing Non stop!!! We even wanted to leave!!! It got really bad all of us left being all emo!

Went to the comic collectable shop! Angel wanted to buy an iron man live size figure for 1300 I think? The salesperson kept saying that it was fragile and you will need a big place to display it....blah blah! Hehehehehe! After all four of us going gaaah gaaah at all the figurines angel saw a man utd poster with glory glory man utd writen on it! And started singing! Hahahaha! Hilarious! Then she realised she was the only man utd fan! Lol!

The three of us went for date night while angel had to go.... Hahahaha the cinema cashier person hahaha her name was ruby lol! She was so so so irritated with us for taking like 15 mins to choose a movie to watch hahaha! She kept talking to the partner next to her in Tagalog with this super pissed face! Lol lol!!!!

We got milk for the movie each of us different flavours hehehe I got my wonderful banana milk! Of which half spilled in my bag! Lol!!!! Ohoh yes! Date night was hilarious! It was so so good!!! Esp when I watched it with hazwan and azizi! They made everything funnier! Lol!!!

Train ride home was just as fun! We followed wan all the way to chua chu kang! Lol but on the way we called up juniors! And azizi called Kaye lol! Then we put her on speaker on the train! And the whole train could hear her hahahahaha!!!!!! They kept staring at me and azizi! Haha! Then azizi called her a bitch cuz she said " eh I ttyl I'm watching soccer" hahahaha!!! Funny shit!

Took the train back with azizi! Called more people....talked a lot.....a lot a lot! Shared a lot of anger....said a lot of vulgarities on the train....he walked me home....We stood downstairs and just talked for an hour! Shared a lot of tears.....Shared a lot of our feelings talked about everything....tears streaming down both our faces.

I actually really wanted breakdown but each time when I talked to someone they would talk about their problems but I never got to share mine....so when azizi asked " what happened" i guess I just felt like I had to let it all out. I told him everything.....and he just listened and understood perfectly! He was there for me. And made me feel so nice......he was like an older brother to me! I hugged him so many times!

Whatever he told me it made so much sense....I realised so so much, both of us do...but both of us know that it's just something impossible to do. And so the both of will just keep doing what we do best. ......

Came home got insulted....scolded.....nagged.....by everyone in the house! Just as I wanted to run to my room to cry I open my door and I realise my grandmother is sleeping there with her maid.... I'm in the dark now just got scolded again....3 times about the same thing! I mean the whole bottle of milk spilled in my bag everything is wet! What do you expect me to do! Stuff it in my bag! Argh!!! I am glad I am updating about my day he switched off all the lights because my dad refuses to acknowledge my presence so he just switched everything off. I like it though the dark and the silence :) just what I need. ....
wells! I need to go back to my snoring grandma and just sleep.......just try lah!"
good nights everyone and everththing See you!

T

2010-04-22T21:28:00.003+08:00

Wah my pms is killing me im in such horrible pain....even fizzy kept asking me if i was alright....i had to like curl up in a ball for a while before i could get up again. Its probably the worst ever! I havent felt this miserable in so long! pretending and forcing myself to be fine and hyper doesnt help at all! I feel like im going to crash soon! Used up too much of my energy! ARGH! but...yeah! okok....just going to go hug a pillow to make the pain feel less.............PAIN!!!!!

Time to crash.........

2010-04-22T00:51:00.002+08:00

.......................talking to you nat.............makes me just want to say thank you. Yes you talked so much about Angeline I barely managed to tell you anything about myself but in the end....thank you. I didn't know who to turn to. I felt so dumb. Plus today wasn't the best day of my life.....things were so horible for me today......Thank you for your advice. I really appreaciate that you talked to me even though you had to wake up at 6.30 just to make sure that I end up sleeping with a retarded smile on my face, abs hurting like mad and thinking about teen titans! Hahaha! I love you woman. Even if Angeline breaks your brittle heart again. Know that this time I will be There for you. Always. Good nights.

2010-04-20T10:08:00.005+08:00

maybe i am bored i just couldnt help it....it was too tempting...helen dont kill me.

this is my "creation". I did not intend to break any copyright. All images are from onemangga.com!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love myself and I love paint! lolness.

2010-04-19T23:53:00.001+08:00

ah!!! still have to do my bloody flyer which i cant seem to open!!! pfft!!! IM SCREWED!!!

2010-04-19T09:20:00.003+08:00

I need to do my german club flyers!! ARGH!!!

....last night was really shocking.

Firstly, the wedding was awesome. Everyone was dressed up so so well! i felt underdressed! My godma said i looked good though! so happy! The food was great! and company was fun! Music was a bit too loud but they sang dhoom and kal ho na ho and i did a bit of dancing in my seat with my aunt which was really fun! haha! sadly no dance floor last night or it would have been better! The emcee should have been booed of stage!!! ARGH and the people who did the congratulatory speeches had such badly written speeches, they pronounced thanks as thankshh.

Hehe. My aunt was so so high! haha! Talking nonsence OMG! I bet she wont remember inviting me to a bollywood club when she wakes up today! HAHAHA! The chinese waiters were a bit irritating because of the language barrier....this is a malay indian wedding for goodness sakes...get people who at least know what the word "YES" means.

I didnt drink much but having only 2hrs sleep the night or day before didnt help me at all. I was so high...i couldnt feel my legs or more of my heels! Ended up tripping all the way home! My dad kept saying...no way...you only had what 3 beers...I think i had 4 though but still only 4 and i already felt like hugging everyone i met. HAHAHA! It felt real good though, helped me sleep.

O.o Plus there was this really HOT chinese guy mohawk, tatoos, tall and cute features! with an ang moh lady making out on the dancefloor HAHAHAHA!!! SO COOL!!!! SO HOT please!!!

However...as usual weddings are a time when you catch up with old friends and relatives. Time when you catch up with the happenings of the family.

I saw my ex classmate's dad with another woman. Cuddling and kissing. I couldnt believe it! I used to go to her parties and see her parents... so close, so loving. Her mom is such a awesome person. I guess when you are in showbiz woman flock to you and things happen but... :(

Whats worse, when i mom asked my aunt about it. My aunt spoke of the separation like it was nothing. My mom got extremely angry. She felt it was very necessary to make it very clear that "the wife" was her good friend. Apparently it got awkward after that...DUH.

My distant cousin divorced his wife of 9 years and remarried. The girl or should i say woman....??? Hmmmmm....ANYWAYS she is SUPER gorgeous! LIKE NORTH INDIAN! LIKE nice dark black hair!!! with super cool eyes!!! and good complexion and just looking all VA VA VOOM oh and most definitely pregnant...but still...

My other aunt, i think she married a married man. The whole family was hush hush about his presence when we went around wishing everyone.

I met my filthy rich aunt after what seemed like ages! Her husband is still stuck up.

Oh and i found out i have an aunt who might be practicing black magic!! which really really freaks me out since she was sitting 2 seats away from me! SO FREAKY.

I was expecting a culture shock since it was a mixed marriage and all...but didnt expect this.HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Hmmmmm...so yesterday was eventful. Today hopefully would be a good day at work, hopefully qoute helens daily morning nags "dont fall asleep on your desk!" yeah hopefully i dont. hehe.

Erm i pray my juniors aren't as bad as i hear they are. I hope also that i get my leave on thursday! :D AWESOMENESS! Then i can see HT!! And there wont be anymore flying fox! So GC booth should be pushed back to sports hall! Awesome! It will make my life so much easier!

bleh.

2010-04-18T15:50:00.014+08:00

....I need a new space.

Free Big Bang Theory, two and a half man, criminal minds and ten things i hate about you....MORE...Yes awesomeness. no sleep for the whole week!

BBQ was the worse time I had in my life. I never felt so insecure before. Never. It was like I couldn't trust anyone. And I don't even know why? I think I might have made a huge mistake by trying too hard to fit in and I might have gotten Really annoying.... Pfft. So angry with myself. Funny thing was gabby was having the exact same feelings about her outing too. We both felt so depressed...i was telling her that i wanted to cry...and so did she. But after a few exchanges about our horrible depressing Saturday, which we both really looked forward to, we decided to make the most out of what's left of the day. And we did! She slept late while smsing me about how she can't wait for man u to beat Chelsea lol! Thats the only thing apparently that would make her really really really happy! Hahaha! funny sh*t. And I took a ride to the jetty with my fav gay couple talking dirty and of course gossiping and ranting hahaha!!
They told me all their lovey dovey stories hehe. All their firsts....HMMMMMM....the cute stuff that they both do... Like feeling bad cuz one of them had to leave early while the other was feeling bad cuz he could not follow the other home... So cute right...? AWWWWWWW. Oh and not forgetting the first time they brought each other home haha!!

Just when I said goodnights to gabby after all the funny msgs! We really have our stupid moments sometimes...How I wished she was with me! We would have rode and just talked all night long haha! Oh and I was actually thinking wow I really can have fun today. BUT.

ANYWAYS I get thrown into another mess. Coincidently the thing i didnt want to happen, happened.

Oh I cracked my toe I think. The wound is still bleeding and my big toe is super sore! Bleh.... But I had loads of fun I did...singing, talking about relationships with ilham lol!!! And being on my own. Drawing, writting, reading :D. Yeah I managed to do all that! Haha! I was alone, well sheila was in front of me sleeping but yeah other than that i was alone :) Anyways enough about yesterday.

I finally took the advice of someone to talk to my mom. I didn't get a nagging, no long conversation which is extremely surprising since just now in the morning on the way back from church she kept nagging about how I should never trust or be too close to school friends because they would just break my heart and cause me pain. That school friends would always be superficial. Church friends apparently would never gossip, hurt or abandon me. Hmmmmm. I don't have any church friends. Do i have to look for new friends now? hahaha!

Anyways.... She just asked me a surprising question which I replied "yes" to out of curiousity and learnt so much about my mom. She was so cool! Hahaha! But after all the surprises....she ended the convo with something that made me feel fuzzy and warm and happy.
I know now. My mom never stopped me because she wanted me to learn the hard way, the way she did when she dated her girlfriend for 10 years and ended up marrying my idiotic dad. She kept a picture of them both(so cute)she even scanned it so she would always have a back up in the computer. What made me all happy was that when she showed me the photo my mom just kept smilling.

Maybe for some this is too much information to reveal on a blog. But its my blog. And right now I'm feeling really happy. My mom actually revealed something she probably swore never to tell me so that I could finally come to my senses.

i figured she just wanted to tell me that things dont work out the way you want it too. So what? Who cares? Life goes on. YOU ARE A CATHOLIC. LOL!

HAHAHA gabs and i were laughing about the situations i get myself into all the time yesterday! Gabs was like "hmmmm...i think i can see why you find the whole situation hilarious now" lol. It was fun laughing at myself....its a good thing :) phew... hehe.

I cant lie and say i am over you. When i think about things i get angry, upset, i feel stupid. But then again im fine, or at least i know one day i will fully be fine. I just need time. I know i can get over you :)If you are worrying about me trying to get you back or not getting over you. You dont worry alrights. I am not that stupid....haha! I know it will never happen so there is no point. If you feel its better this way then ai yah i will just deal with it lah. So yeah....hahaha! omg i ended laughing again.

Okay well I'm just gonna take 40 winks before I get ready for my culture shock at pan pacific! Haha! Going to meet my aunts relatives....can't wait!! YIPEES

OHHHH! And i wont be saying vulgarities from today onwards. YES! I can do it! hahaha!!!

2010-04-17T01:00:00.001+08:00

I tried. I failed. I ended up lying to myself again. Congrats and thank you.

2010-04-15T23:38:00.002+08:00

MY LIFE! haha!

2010-04-15T23:18:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHA!!!! was online...laughing to myself at work! hahaha! HY probably tot i was being possesed! haha! omg!!! Today was the so hilarious! talking to Hazel bout chinese class and caroline! omg!!! and china people!! HAHAHA! talked about how we love kurt! hehe! everytime HT said SJ! i started laughing! Couldnt stop laughing myself!!! kept having to hide my face in my jacket so that i can laugh! hehehe.

so i get to school meet nadh, meet victor, meet someone who went for my horribly planned SA camp. She said she tortured nadeen while she was in SA dance. HAHAHAHA!!!

I get in the car. And they lecture me about my language. Not my vulgarities but my singlish. They demanded that i stop "NOW". Then they continued nagging.
They really made my head hurt.

SAW MY DREADFUL ACCOUNTS TEACHER! omg of all places the supermarket! to see mrs seow! damn sad! i cant believe i saw her...my eyes are still suffering in pain from the sight haha!

came home watched gleeeee!!!! and and now watching criminal minds!! WHEEE. pure bliss.

goodnights ohio! only a few more mins to 2morrow!

2010-04-14T23:04:00.004+08:00

I probably shouldn't be posting now.... I need sleep but what the heck.

My brains are all mushy and I totally screwed up my entries!! After I realised my mistake....bleh... Everything just went down hill from there...
Came home was scolded. Went out, got scolded. Came back again..was called immature and childish. Was forced to wash the stack of dishes...big big big pile... In the dark! Cuz the lights were out.... Hmmmm..... I did listen the song dancing in the dark twice today.... Maybe it was a sign? Lol.... This gun is for hire and we are just dancing in the dark,.. Or it goes something like tt... Lol! Okok anyways....

Fins bf wrote bout me in his blog.... Lol it made me blush so much.... Going to kill fin soon lol.

CAKE. CAKE. CAKE. My life is like CAKE. Keith yeo. If you are reading this.... Yes... CAKE. I feel like CAKE. I think I look like CAKE. I just want to busk in my CAKE-ness lol....

Helen..... Hahahaha! Thanks for being there for me during lunch when I needed to talk to you. Hahaha thank goodness you replied.... Or I would have kept laughing to myself!! And staring at my phone screaming to it " Helen reply pls reply" I was so tempted to tell hy bout engine... Wait tts the correct Nick name right? Haha crap crap can only rmb NS. Lol.... Oh we need a new Nick name for someone.... You know who... Lol. Life is full of surprises....just stop thinking it's a trap to get you back okay! Lol.... You made it super clear...lol so don't worry! And u promised a phantom day! How can we have a phantom day when u have piano lessons! You promised you would sing and cry with me! I don't care lol.

Yeah so....Goodnights blog....good nights....

2010-04-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

First of all! YAY! im finally feeling better! and!! im meeting my dramamama's this sat! cant wait! erm...orientations are this week...damn...cant be there to see my juniors...i hope they go all out! and use up whats left of their energy! LOL. errr

but hmmm...feeling really confused...
my mom was told by the doctors to becareful cause she might get skin cancer. but she tells me "ai yah...this doctor say i will get cancer that doctor say i will get cancer...i dont care already..." HAHAHAHA! i was just stunned. I dont know whether to be worried? or to be happy that she is thinking positive? Well i guess i am pretty worried, cant help it...especially when you can see her health deteriorating slowly. hmmm....

parents are telling me lots and lots of things... = confused.

my cousins were super nice to me yesterday... = confused.

My juniors are having problems but i dont know what is going on = confused

I got home walked to my bedroom switched on the light and my grandmother is sleeping on my bed = bewildered. What is she doing in my house? anyways

Having weird dreams...painful feelings, old dreams, failed ambitions, all brought back out...all a sudden...just one person can make my mind go crazy. Omg...i can feel my heart getting heavier and heavier slowly sinking...while writting this. Bleh just really confused...i hope my mind is calm for me to sleep well tonight. YAY! cant wait for work 2morrow! After im done... i will be doing excel which is a pain...but nah...at least its something different :)

HELEN TAY YI LIN! yes!!!! Its been one month! finally! Just 2 more months for me! and errr...5 more for you! hahaha! anyways I cant wait to do fyp with Leong! YAY!

and....my parents are going for their anniversary batam trip! Wheee! I will be all alone on for the weekend! and monday! awesome. hmmmm....a late night sunday?

2010-04-08T13:55:00.003+08:00

Soooo bored...still have 5 mins of my lunch break left so went looking at me frens manila mission work pics!!! OMG so nice!! and the kids are so cute...and the food looked so GOOD....and they tried taho! Which is the name of my cuz neighbours dog...haha! I keep imagining them eating a dog...HAHA! but yeah! mission work...hmmm...bleh i have to join the youth group... :(

anyways came across this pic!! supah nice!

back to working my ass off...hmmm...brain dead.

2010-04-07T00:45:00.002+08:00

Hehehe. So my lips were super dry today! So I kept Bitting of the dry skin! Till my lips bruised and bled hahaha!!! It's painful... But it looks cool. As if someone punched me hahaha!

Met nadeen today!!! Hahahaha!!! Updated myself on gossips. There is still more but nadeen says I have to wait.
Hmmmmmm..........I wonder what else is there! Can't wait! Okok errrrr...... Ate macs, made a fool of myself at macs haha!!! Azizi kept saying random Indian girl names cuz there was this nerdy Indian guy in front of us !!!! Hahaha!!! So mean!!! And they all have officially paired me up with this Indian guy from CPT? Lol dunno... But the guy gives me the creeps for a skinny indian with a floating cap on his head lol.

Ohoh another funny day of rehearsals humairah came up to me and said Sarah Sarah I have something for u! So I got all excited then she zipped open her really cute bag and took out this small pack of polyvoron cookies and cream haha! I took photos it was just such a cute sight. She said tt she went to lucky plaza and just decided to enter a Filipino shop and ask if the had it. Surprise surprise they did!!! Hehe! Yeah.... She was so excited!!! I wanted one piece haha.... She offered but I couldn't bare to take one from her... There were only like 6 pieces??? So cute!!! She told her maid to come back with more! Hehe.

I made gurinder cry today again. I am getting scared now... I hope she cried because she is happy. I told her tt she was improving sososo much! And then she cried.... I need to stop making people cry...mmmmm.... Oh anyways yeah I'm duper proud of gurinder!!! Super super proud she is doing really well in her acting!!! She is a great actress!!! :D

Erm yeah..... Ended late again..... But the juniors hmmmmmm...... They seem to be going up and down... There is no consistency in their performance. I really pray tt they really take heed of all my comments!!! And don't hate me.... But seriously.... I'm just tired of telling them, I want u to do this and I want to see this. I am tired of them chatting on the phone while in the middle of a rehearsal or singing or reading or sleeping. It's attitude tt I will not give in too. If they do it again I will send them home. There is no need for them to be at rehearsals if they feel tt they don't need to focus and that they can just walk in and out of a scene just like tt.... It's actor-ly not possible. I gave them a piece of my mind today. Cus 3 people picked up their phones while acting!!! Grrr....omg this is still so weird to me... Giving them ideas and comments and scolding them. I guess it's a good thing I was alone with them today cuz I didn't feel like wan was there to stop me from going to far lol... So I went all out haha! And July supported me so did nadeen so yay! I guess I did right things. Really happy with myself and all the ideas I came up with to help them improve. Clubcrawl.... Hmmm only 60 % but they just have to work harder. I know my juniors can do it!!!

Now I just need to sleep..... 2morrow rehearsals again.... Orientation.... I have stuff I want them to add in So till 2morrow....

Oh Glay...

2010-04-05T23:39:00.004+08:00

If we can die from boredom, this is it.

HAHAHA that was an sms i received during my torturous 2-6pm safety briefing! It describes the briefing perfectly. It was held in a very COLD COLD COLD room! OMG. Horrible. So BORING! but hey i found a short cut back from the canteen, from the tour, so im happy! AND I PASSED! WHEE! Skipped the last video though. Told them i had to leave, which was true! I am so devastated that i missed the video since the videos were so INTERESTING. It was like watching blast from the past! AWESOME. Everyone in high jeans and big glasses! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And I was POKED like 7 times by my friend! Just so i keep awake! She kept nagging at me "tidur ah" "tidur ah"...funny how she automatically knew i spoke malay. HAHA! But...bad cuz she rattles on in malay....and i soooooo dont understand...so i just nod and nod hahaha!

OHOH! Was on the train! and there was this guy in keiths pink shirt! exactly the same! hahaha! There was a white insect on the shirt!!! eewww!!
i didnt know how to tell the guy! haha! Coincidently i was texting keith about his new haircut which btw is super cute...not hahaha! Good Job keith you have officially turned yourself into a laughing-stock! But you love your hair so yeah...nvm. If you like it, then i erm *cross fingers behind back* like it too.

Oh right back to they guy! haha! yeah! keith said dont tell him anything. I didnt and soon the guy walked out of the train...away from me thank you!...with a big white bug on his shirt. Wheee. Then i just continued texting keith, helen, neela, jac and hanaffi. My fingers were exhausted by the end of the bumpy train ride!

Oh and me met nadhirahs bf today! Well he wasnt officially her bf then... but up to 40 mins ago...yes on fb...its official! hahaha! He kinda scared me though, maybe im being paranoid but he said "i like the way you speak". Hmmmmm....maybe i spoke too much and just didnt stop? Or did he really like the way i spoke? hahaha! anyways if he did really like the way i spoke then...NADHIRAH if you read this! He gets my approval! ...Not that you need it already anyway hehe.

Met firdaus and Leong!! And they both screamed my name across McDonalds -.- AGAIN. Leong went "eh my FYP partner!" and Firdaus said "Hey Sarah!" omg...so much for trying to keep a low profile! Oh and did i mention i had macs!!! 4 weeks! 4 long weeks of no macs!!! Im a very happy girl today! Ate McSpicy with Neela! Who waited for me!! YAY! If not i would have eaten alone! We were both STARVING! Both of us gobbled our food up in...hmmm...15 mins? HEHEHE. DELICIOUS! yumyum.

Rehearsals went weeeelllll.....fin kept insulting me...bitch...but i have choosen to ignore him. He did however walk me home along with azizi whom i gave, both of them, a detailed description of the cool butch in my office. HAHAHA! super cool peircings everywhere...quite erm...yeah...she left an impression hahahaha! She ate spaghetti LOL. HOME MADE. HAHAHA! I shall go ask my fren about her...hmmmm...

Yeah...told my dad tt i was being sent home by fin and azizi and he replied "oh gay"
Irritant. *looks for insecticide*. Azizi told me to reply "Oh Glay" like ok? or...like ugly. HAHA but nah didnt want to get beaten up when i got home so just sticked to OK. (notice the CAPS!) Hehe.

Yeah...going to sleep now! hahaha! SO SO happy to be coming home from school!!! Cant wait for Wednesday!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! HELEN!!! AHHHH!!! Dont forget to bring my chocolates!!!! I shall bring my FMA (which you probably already have) and Baka to Test for you! and and friday at plaza sg! My week is going to be glorious!

Im back to myself...back to blogging. WOW. NICE.

CRAP. Forgot to mention! Meeting Hanaffi after work to get to school together! HAHA! Cant WAIT!

2010-04-04T22:57:00.002+08:00

Happy Easter!!! Wheee the Lord is Risen! Today was honestly an amazing day. I feel so happy. Met so many people. Got beaten up by my cousin. Passed nostalgic places that reminded me of good times! Woah!

So tired! Baptism in the morning. (which was so much fun, hehe kids...muahahaha!) HEAVY Lunch.
Afternoon nap or more like sleep hahaha! 3-6 O.o im just that awesome. Gossip Girl-ing for an hour. Then off to nenek's house for food and cake! A wake after. Heard stories about my grandfather. Both grandfathers. HEHE. Naughty Naughty men. Funny how my grandfathers are both share the same frens. Just got home. WAH. Good nights im off to tilam road....

Happy Death Anniversary Tata in advance.
Its been 17 years. I dont quite remember you, but something inside of me always makes me smile whenever i see your pictures. I rmb how i would always sit next to you, cuz you were always on the couch hehe. You would always tease me then treat me to ice cream Haha!
Im sorry, this year, i cant be there to celebrate your death on April 8th. Please forgive me. You will always be in my heart and the hearts of everyone. I love you. Watch over us and pray for us.

2010-04-04T01:04:00.002+08:00

here they are forcing me to go sleep...and when i finally sign out...they switch on this really good horror film and ask me to watch. -.-

Now they say i cant go online till i clean up my room. seriously...i dont get parents. HAHAHAHAHA!!! hilarious people.

2010-04-03T13:02:00.002+08:00

F*king pissed off with thing thing and SAO!!! Argh!!! how can they take my actors away!!! my actors. MINE. PISSED.

2010-04-02T23:07:00.004+08:00

I missed my greatgrandma's 7th day prayers today.
I already feel like shit.
But some people think that i missed it on purpose.
Why in the world would i want to do that?
Stop telling me that all my cousins were there except me.
Stop telling me that i missed all the good stuff.
I dont need it. Not now. Not when i feel like ive been stepped on 100 times.

Im sorry i was talking on the phone till 2...but i have problems. Problems that have been eating inside of me.
Problems you dont want to hear about, so i tell people who actually care about me.

Do i look like im talking nonsense? im not! i just really needed to talk to someone about my problems and insecurities! so just leave me a hell alone!!! ENOUGH!!!

Dia Mata rosak, Kepala pun rosak. Thanks. I really needed to know that.

I just want to be happy. I want to be happy for one day! Is it my fault that i cant?!

Argh...then again...these problems. I feel so stupid for having all these stupid feelings. Its all small things but i cant help it...i get really hurt.I get hurt because i am scared. I get hurt because i feel that i am not good enough. Maybe im doing something wrong. Maybe i did do something really wrong and you cant forgive me.
Honestly Ive had enough of feeling hurt. I was so tired! I was so sick! I felt so depressed, i had things to do but i continued to talk to you. I told myself, no i had to. It made me happy when i talked to you. Then you ended the convo just like that. It was as if i was some pity fuck. I didnt feel made use off. I just feel guilty for wasting your time. Hmmmmm.

Im just going to not think about it. It happens. Shit happens. Whatever it is, no matter how i feel that you are totally oblivious to everything, maybe you are not. Maybe im thinking to much into it. Its all in my head.

Maybe i have to tell you. bleh. Im so sick and tired, literally.

2010-03-30T23:21:00.003+08:00

its all over. finally back to work. back to school. back to boring and tiring life.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.....and back toooooo....hehehehehehe.

okok i feel stupid now. Must not doubt anymore.

2010-03-29T13:31:00.002+08:00

Didn't want to wake up today.... Cus I knew there was bad news. I knew something was wrong. I still had to wake up though. Heard the bad news. Kept silent. I'm not strong enough for all this. I'm just not strong enough to handle anymore. I wish my heart is made of stone.

Tomorrow is the day. I wish I can just fall sick and not go. So I won't see all the hurt and pain, sorrow and lies. I'm tired, and feeling hopeless.

2010-03-29T02:15:00.003+08:00

hmmm......hmmmmm.....hmmmm.....life....

i dk what to say anymore. I feel as if my heart is getting smaller...and weaker. Im so confused with where i am in life now.

Surprisingly i thoroughly enjoyed charismatic today. In fact i miss it...its been a long time since i let it all out to the lord. Gosh i cant believe i said that...seems so weird...i am do detached from christ now. I feel it, i feel myself drifting. I thnk i need to start back from the beggining. I have to try and maybe i would be able to get my life back on track.

2010-03-20T02:25:00.001+08:00

2010-03-14T18:46:00.002+08:00

Please stop. It hurts a lot. I dont think i can take it anymore. I wish i can just tell you that.